Curate Your Social Circle

I once had a friend who could convince me the world was going to pieces just by the way he said hello. Each time I tried to get him to look at life in a more positive light he'd say, "I'm just being realistic." What bummed me out most about his take on the world was I saw extraordinary potential in him to do great things.

The truth is, some of the people closest to us will only see the downside of up or have an axe to grind. And it's just not realistic to cut them out of our lives completely. But what we can do is level up the number of positive, ambitious, and inspiring people we spend most of our time with. 

In Brendon Burchard's new book, High Performance Habits he discusses the benefits of surrounding yourself with a community of like-minded people who support your vision, have your back, and will encourage you to hold yourself accountable to making something happen. It turns out there's actual data that supports the notion our lives will eventually reflect the people we spend the most time with.

The people around you affect how much you sleep, the food that you eat, and how much money you spend or save. This dynamic, which has been dubbed "social contagion," has been show to have both detriments and benefits.

On the negative front, researchers have found that bad behaviors and outcomes such as smoking, obesity, loneliness, depression, divorce, and drug use tend to grow in social clusters. If your friends smoke, you probably will, too. The more of your friends who are overweight or divorced, the higher the odds you'll get there, too.

Likewise, positive things such as happiness and prosocial behavior also seem to spread within social groups. For example, if you have a friend who is happy in life, your chances of feeling happy go up by 25 percent. 

It's important we choose our brain trust wisely and actively look for people who make us better. The key is to believe you can get better with the right effort and community behind you. 

That Dog Can't Even Swim

There’s a funny story about two hunters who had very different philosophies on life. One was upbeat, always making the effort to see the good in others, while the other was cynical, finding fault with everything.

One afternoon they went hunting together, taking a small boat out onto the lake. The upbeat gentlemen decided to bring his new bird dog. As they made their way to the middle of the lake the positive hunter took aim and shot a bird. He turned to the cynical man and told him, “Watch this,” as the bird dog jumped out of the boat and ran on top of the water before scooping up the bird and racing back to the boat. He set the bird before the two men without so much as a drop of water on him. “What do you think?” the positive hunter asked. The cynical hunter just shook his head before finally saying, “Just like I thought, that dog can’t even swim.”

How many of us have friends or family members that are cynical hunters? People who always have an axe to grind and decided long ago it’s easier to find fault then possibility.

The truth is cynicism is easy. Anybody can find reasons to complain. But choosing to focus on what could be takes courage and character. And it doesn’t mean being unrealistic, or diluted. You can be optimistic while still being grounded. 

Your life is flying by. Don’t waste another second with people who refuse to get out of their own way and want to take you down with them. In time, your life will begin to mirror the people you spend the most time with. If they don’t lift you up it may be time to say goodbye. 

How and Why to Get Your Mastermind Group On

Pick a Time to Meet Regularly. We all have busy schedules. You’ll avoid a great deal of stress if you pick a time and stick with it. Gradually, people will learn to schedule their priorities around your weekly gathering.

Pick a Place to Meet Regularly. Scrambling to find a place each week will eventually lead to frustration and interest will taper off. Pick a spot and stick to it.

Request People Show Up on Time. Get off on the right foot. Showing up on time means everyone values the time of their colleagues. This creates a good “contagion” and an environment where ideas can cross-pollinate.

Create an Environment of Mutual Respect. Author and speaker Stephen Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” We learn by listening to one another even when we feel compelled to speak. Listening is essential if we want to learn.

Set Goals. Having actionable objectives each member can work on before the next meeting gives them something to put their energy and focus towards. With group accountability, positive reinforcement, you’ll gradually begin to see the progress you’re making towards your goals.

Benefits:

A platform where ideas can cross-pollinate in a supportive and “non-judgy” environment can do wonders to mobilize your idea into action.

Having an “accountability partner,” is a powerful way to stick to your goals. Having someone hold your feet to the fire and make sure you do what you say you’ll do will help you build momentum and consistency.

When you have to tell someone why you didn’t follow through on something you said you would it raises your standards.

Your sense of personal accountability is strengthened.

Your Subconscious Knows

If there's one thing about pursuing a life in the arts it's that it's very easy to get discouraged. The lack of opportunities, the constant rejection, and the fierce competition can take start to really take it's toll. But through all of that adversity I've learned it's also crucial to have impeccable word - to speak consistent messages of self-empowerment. We can positive and optimistic, while still being grounded.

I've found when your words are not congruent to your actions it becomes very difficult to build serious momentum. You may really believe in your ability as a writer, actor, or dancer but if your inner monologue is not in harmony with those sentiments you have a problem. 

Though you may continue to work hard, diligently improve you craft, and continue auditioning, if you're saying things like, "No wonder I wasn't cast," or "My career is going nowhere," you won't be firing on all cylinders. 

Your subconscious somehow knows it's being duped. Try getting your mind and your actions in harmony and see what happens.

Feet to the Fire

Last night, I got together with a group of friends for a little experiment. Five of us decided to meet at a restaurant on a popular street in our hometown. We sat in the back, took out our notebooks, and began. What was the occasion? We started a Mastermind Group - an informal forum where we could talk about our goals and listen to constructive feedback. It was a huge success and didn't run more than 90 minutes.

What's more, I realized I have several blind spots. As a close friend spoke about all the projects near and dear to her I listened carefully before saying, "You have a lot going on. I think you should really try and focus on just one thing." She nodded and agreed.

It then dawned on me that I was great at giving advice but not listening to it, especially my own. I had also bitten off more than I could chew and was beginning to feel spread very thin, perhaps now more than ever as I headed into a demanding teaching position. I was talking but not walking.

Find your like-minded tribe who will hold your feet to the fire and hold you accountable. It will make a profound difference in your success. 

Cutting Toxic People from Your Life Even When You Care About Them

Confidence is a result of growing comfortable in your own skin. It's a process cultivated over time through experience and getting clear on your core values. And it's likely if you're happy with who you are and have a strong sense of your principles, you've learned to surround yourself with forward-thinking people - individuals who support your vision, have your back, hold you accountable to taking action, and try to maintain a positive outlook.

Unfortunately, cutting toxic people from your life can be quite complicated. Sometimes it's the people closest to us who always seem to have an axe to grind, or have something negative to say.

You may have spent so much time with these people over the years you don't even realize how you morph into someone else in their presence, taking on their cancerous energy. Without knowing it, you start to talk about people behind their back and refuse to see the potential in others. 

Let me tell you, once you take a step back and really take inventory of the toxic residue that's seeped into your psyche, you will be much more vigilant with your mind and time.

Even when it's difficult we have to work overtime to protect our relationship to our goals, ambitions, and sense of service. Spending time with those who fail to see the good in the world threaten your potential.

Get the memo out that you won't tolerate toxic people and their energy no matter who it is. Your future depends on it. 

IBD's 10 Secrets to Success

Investor Business Daily has spent years analyzing leaders and successful people in all walks of life. Most have 10 traits that, when combined, can turn dreams into reality. 

1. HOW YOU THINK IS EVERYTHING. Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.

2. DECIDE UPON YOUR TRUE DREAMS AND GOALS: Write down your specific goals and develop a plan to reach them.

3. TAKE ACTION: Goals are nothing without action. Don't be afraid to get started. Just do it.

4. NEVER STOP LEARNING: Go back to school or read books. Get training and acquire skills.

5. BE PERSISTENT AND WORK HARD: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Never give up.

6. LEARN TO ANALYZE DETAILS: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes.

7. FOCUS YOUR TIME AND MONEY: Don't let other people or things distract you.

8. DON'T BE AFRAID TO INNOVATE; BE DIFFERENT: Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity. 

9. DEAL AND COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE EFFECTIVELY: No person is an island. Learn to understand and motivate others.

10. BE HONEST AND DEPENDABLE; TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: Otherwise number 1-9 won't matter.

Hope Is Not Enough

It's great to incorporate affirmations and positive thinking into your daily approach to life. We could all probably use a little more inspiration.

But it's also important to recognize that hope simply isn't enough. It must be integrated with a grounded and well-thought out strategy for reaching your goals.

And of course, there is no substitute for hard hard work. All the uplifting declarations you make to yourself don't work unless you do.