The Importance of Honoring Customs while Abroad

My journey back to Amman was rather uneventful which is not necessarily a bad thing. I listened to an audiobook, glanced over my Italian flashcards, and occasionally took in snippets of the conversation of the couple sitting across from me.

As I peeked out the window I couldn’t help but take in the barrenness of most of the Jordanian countryside. On the upside, it made me feel less guilty that I dosed off.

I thought back on my four journeys across the United States with my best friends en route to Syracuse when I was still in college. Driving for hours on end could sometimes be monotonous but at least we had each other.

Occasionally though we’d zip past signs for the “30-foot cow” and “5-legged horse,” which intrigued us but didn’t pique our interest enough to stop.

I wondered what it’d be like to take the same trip today; how the tone of our thoughts would be different and our feelings about what lie ahead hued with the life experience gained from the path already trekked.

Dog Days of Summer

I returned to a much “cooler” Amman. “Cooler” is relative in this case, but I was grateful for the relief. It was like bartering an Egyptian summer for the lazy months of D.C., or Philly. It may not sound like much but I was grateful for 95 degree heat over say, 105 degree heat.

I walked the streets the same way I had a week before trying to remind myself of my good fortune to be in such a place. It’s a greater challenge than one may think at first. The more you live the greater the likelihood to take things, even wonderful things, in passing.

The trick I’ve discovered is to stay in the pocket of hope, of possibility, of curiosity. Each day I tried to act as if I’d just arrived before nearly wondering out loud why I couldn’t do the same at home.

I walked past an art gallery I’d noticed when I first arrived but this time it was open. I strolled in and was greeted by a young and pretty Jordanian woman in her mid to late 20’s.

She asked if she could help me find anything to which I told her I was just looking. I inquired if any of the photographs or acrylic works were hers.

“No,” she said. “I’m a law student.”

Much better idea, I nearly said to her.

No Eating on the Street

I slowly moseyed on back to my hotel before stopping off at one of the few restaurants open. I’d been trying my best to eat healthy during my stay, but found it a challenge.

I figured the fresh squeezed carrot juice and lack of eating in general left me at about even. I ordered two sandwiches and made my way back to the Bonita Inn.

When I got to within 100 yards of my hotel I was stopped by two police officers.

“Do you speak Arabic?” they asked.

That’s a first, I thought.

“No,” I said.

They then asked for my ID making some grumblings about my New York City address.

“You can’t eat on the street. It is Ramadan,” one told me.

The other then proceeded to get out of the car and stand beside me. He made a point to brush my shoulder, which gave way to a small shove.

“Hide it in your bag,” he said before letting me go.

I waived him off conveying I understood. I could now add Jordan to the list of countries where I’d piqued the interest of the authorities along with Italy, Israel, and New Zealand.

Perhaps I just thought they could have handled the situation with a bit more grace though I’m not sure how exactly.

Learning and Honoring Customs Abroad

On the way back to my hotel I reminded myself of the importance of respecting the customs and culture of every country I visit and how that reverence should extend to every foreign place, whether it be a mosque, a colleague’s home, or new job.

I was, whether I liked it or not, a sort of ambassador — a representative of my country. It was my responsibility to act with a heightened sense of respect and, equally important, a desire to know how to properly honor the time honored ways of a part of the world I was less versed in.

Another Life

The following day, I hopped in a cab at 6:00 am. Mahmoud was the name of the gentlemen who drove me. He was probably about 70 years old and was kind when he insisted I sit in the front.

We didn’t say much during the 25-minute drive but I felt comfortable in his presence. The impeccably clean Toyota Camry with leather seats and remnants of cigarette smoke took me back to sitting in the back of my uncle’s car during summer visits to Korea.

Mahmoud too might have been an uncle from another life.

We passed security after I was asked where I was from.

“New York,” I said.

“Oh!” he beamed. And waved me through.

I’d knew I’d miss that proclamation when I returned to my native California. Something told me it wouldn’t inspire the same reverence, or open as many doors for that matter.

Moments later, Mahmoud dropped me off and wished me good luck on my journey.

I waved goodbye and made my way hoping I was somehow a better, if not, slightly wiser man for my time in this country.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you enjoyed this article, sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter with my favorite book, film, and travel recommendations in addition to my latest articles on productivity and inspiration.

Plus, I’d love to share my free Creativity Day Planner — a simple two -page template on building good daily habits. 

Lessons from My Mom and Dad

In a few weeks one of my closest friends ties the knot. A few months back he asked me in a quiet coffee shop if I'd be his Best Man. "Of course," I told him. "I'd be honored."

Since that rainy morning, I've spent the last few months drafting a speech for his wedding night. It might sound a little extreme to take such measures to prep a 5 minute speech several months in advance, but I want to make sure I include all the wonderful qualities that make my friend such a good guy.

I've spent a great deal reflecting about our friendship and the man he's become. To watch someone you care about grow into a person of integrity, kindness, and respect is perhaps one of the most fulfilling joys of life. (he was once banned from a Mormon basketball league for cursing)

I've also thought about relationships and how much I admire his partnership with his soon to be wife. It reminds me in some ways of the relationship between my own parents. And if they can somehow emulate some of the patterns that have made their relationship so successful I'm convinced they'll do just fine. After all, I believe my mom and dad's marriage is the greatest love story ever told. 

Many years ago after I'd broken up with a girl I loved deeply but just wasn't mature enough to commit to fully I met up with my dad for dinner. He was in New York for business as he often was and asked if we could grab a bite to eat before he left the following day. We always met on Theater Row over on 46th Street. My dad loved the simple, no frills Italian restaurants that lined the street. He was also a big fan of the pre-fixed meal you could get for $25. (at least 10 years ago)

As we sat at our table on a rather slow night I told him my 3-year relationship had just ended. He paused before saying, "You know, as you get older in life, things like intimacy and appearance become less important. What matters is the friendship you have with someone. And your mother has always been my best friend," he told me. 

After nearly 40 years of marriage my parents are still together and happily so. But to be fair, they have never denied their partnership has required immensely hard work, sacrifice, and overcoming challenges. Still, as far as I can tell what makes their relationship work so well is mastering the simple things:

-- They laugh together. A LOT.
-- They still hold hands.
-- They listen to one another.
-- They agree to disagree.
-- They sit in silence with one another
-- They go for walks together.
-- They give each other space and allow each to do their own thing.
-- They travel together.
-- They communicate.
-- They have perspective.
-- They're honest with themselves and as a result with each other.
-- They don't hide anything.
-- They recognize that life is short and there's not time to waste.

Watching them has been a Masters Class not only in how to make a relationship thrive but how to treat another human being. 

How and Why to Get Your Mastermind Group On

Pick a Time to Meet Regularly. We all have busy schedules. You’ll avoid a great deal of stress if you pick a time and stick with it. Gradually, people will learn to schedule their priorities around your weekly gathering.

Pick a Place to Meet Regularly. Scrambling to find a place each week will eventually lead to frustration and interest will taper off. Pick a spot and stick to it.

Request People Show Up on Time. Get off on the right foot. Showing up on time means everyone values the time of their colleagues. This creates a good “contagion” and an environment where ideas can cross-pollinate.

Create an Environment of Mutual Respect. Author and speaker Stephen Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” We learn by listening to one another even when we feel compelled to speak. Listening is essential if we want to learn.

Set Goals. Having actionable objectives each member can work on before the next meeting gives them something to put their energy and focus towards. With group accountability, positive reinforcement, you’ll gradually begin to see the progress you’re making towards your goals.

Benefits:

A platform where ideas can cross-pollinate in a supportive and “non-judgy” environment can do wonders to mobilize your idea into action.

Having an “accountability partner,” is a powerful way to stick to your goals. Having someone hold your feet to the fire and make sure you do what you say you’ll do will help you build momentum and consistency.

When you have to tell someone why you didn’t follow through on something you said you would it raises your standards.

Your sense of personal accountability is strengthened.

They May Disagree, But They'll Respect You

I recently had a conversation with someone who not so subtly tried to persuade me to replace the gentlemen I hired for a project. No doubt, he had my best interests at heart and thought I'd given the person I hired a big enough window to get the job done.

The problem was the man I hired for the job was a close friend who I didn't feel had been given a "fair shake." From the very start, wires had been crossed and I'd failed on several occasions to clarify my objectives. "I'm going to give him a few more months," I finally said. My decision was met with disapproval. 

The next day after I'd phoned my friend and talked about the adjustments we needed to make to reach our goals I met with the same person who half a day before tried to convince me to move forward with someone else.

I told him I'd had a conversation with my friend and that we now had a plan on how to press on with deadlines in place. 

"I think that's a good idea," he said. "I'm like you. I'm very loyal to my friends." That's interesting, I thought.

If you feel strong about something, stand your ground. People may not agree with you at first or ever, but chances are they'll at least respect you.