What Fishing with a WWII Vet Taught Me

I can’t remember who organized a fishing trip with Noonie and me one summer afternoon. I was just a few years out of college and hadn’t really spoken to our old neighbors since my family had moved. Yet, here we were out on the reservoir fishing together.

To say Noonie was a man of few words would be a profound understatement. Like many men of his generation, he spoke only when he had something worth saying. Something I've grown to appreciate as I get older.

                 

As the two of us sat in the boat I noticed Noonie gazing out on the calm surface of the water. It was peaceful and I felt lucky to be spending time with someone whose example I had grown to admire. 

Unexpectedly, he broke the silence and started talking about his time in the Navy during World War II.  “We were so young. We didn’t know what was going to happen. It was scary at times. I hated most of it to be honest. But you know, it’s funny, I look back now and it was probably the best time of my life.” Then he drifted off and didn’t say another word for the rest of the day.

I realized two things that day. First, life is about relationships. Knowing you have a support system that will listen to your concerns, understand your doubts, and lend a hand when you’re in need is always important.

And second, someday we may regret the moments we spent so much time trying to speed through. It’s easy to enjoy the ups, be grateful the downs have passed, but most of living is in the middle. It takes a little more effort, but since we spend so much time there, it’s well worth learning to appreciate.

"The Greatest Tragedy of All is Not the Reality of Failure but the Loss of Hope."

Over the years I've seen way too many talented actor and artist friends equate their self-worth with a resume, or IMDB page. And it absolutely breaks my heart. 

Most of us would agree that if you go into the arts in the first place there is a burning desire to express one self that is often accompanied by an equally powerful need for validation. The trouble is, validation from others is not sustainable. It has to come from within. 

We need to change the metrics of how we gauge self-worth and success. We don't have to overlook the impact we can have at home, in our schools, churches, or communities. That counts too. 

In time, a beautiful thing begins to happen. We start to reframe the way we see everything, including failure. We no longer fear it but accept it as an integral part of a longer and broader journey. We learn to take it in stride and in the process recognize the importance of protecting our spirits. We remain hopeful. 

And that is the starting point for great art. 

I Didn't Know Why I Was Doing What I Was Doing

This morning I stopped by to visit an old teacher of mine. Earlier in the week I'd forwarded him a one-man show I spent the past several months working on.  And after an informal reading of the piece in front of a few friends last month I felt pretty good about what I'd put together.

"If you are getting the desire to do this as a play, why don't we talk about how that might work. I am available and would enjoy a thoughtful conversation," he wrote me.

I sat across from him fully prepared to jot down notes on how to stage the play. What type of lighting would he suggest? Music? Did he think the venue I selected was too big, or small? Then he asked me something that stopped me in my tracks. "Why do you want to perform this?" I didn't have an answer.

We spent the next hour and half talking about how important it is to know why you want to do what you do. And it quickly became clear to the both of us that for many other projects in my life I could answer that question without hesitation. For this particular piece I'd just started without an objective in mind.

"I think it's great you found a creative outlet. And who knows? Maybe this will still become a one-man show. But until you can answer that question of why you absolutely have to do this I can't really help you."

What's funny is I wasn't upset. In fact, I agreed with him. I might have even been a little relieved. This project didn't make me leap out of bed in the morning the way writing a screenplay or TED Talk had. It was something worth paying attention.

Lend a Hand Whenever Possible...It's Always Possible

The other day I sat down to interview an old friend of mine. My buddy Mike serves as the Special Assistant to the Mayor. We talked about his passion for public service, the responsibility we all have to be civically engaged, and how everyday people can make be of service to their community.

I learned most people believe that contribution has to be on some grand scale. And as a result, a lot of folks end up doing nothing because they doubt their actions will have an impact on society. But that afternoon I discovered nothing could be further from the truth.

My friend shared that real contribution begins in our neighborhoods. By sharing our passion, talents, and creative contributions to our immediate circle of family and friends we are already doing so much. It creates a ripple effect where those influenced by your example go out and do the same for others. And in time, you've helped build a network of people committed to being good and doing good.

What could be better than that?

It's Hard But It's Worth It

This morning I spoke to a close friend of mine back in New York. She was very stressed out about all the things she had to do before staging her play this summer. "I need to find someone to do the lighting, the right actors, and of course, I have to raise all this money so I can pay everyone. I'm really worried," she told me.

"Calm down," I said. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Everyone that puts on a play, or shoots a film wrestles with the same issues. That's one of the reasons why it's such an extraordinary accomplishment once you get it done."

She agreed and after a few minutes took comfort in the knowing she was in good company. "I'd be more worried if there were no hiccups," I added. She laughed. 

What we do is meaningful and if done well can forever change the way we think, feel, and interact. It is for those exact same reasons that it is so difficult to pull off.

But the ones who push through that adversity have a special opportunity to share their voice, while bringing people together. 

It's hard but it's worth it. Go forth. 

There is No One Way

If you think you’ve found "the way," chances are you haven't. I believe the key to growth, personal fulfillment, and living a life of value means be open to constant experimentation.

No single method is the right one, and what works for you may not work for someone else. Even when you've stumbled upon an ideology, or method of thinking that compliments your life it will hopefully evolve over time just as you should.

Read Children's Books...Lots of Them

In the past two weeks I've had to read books like, Tuck Everlasting, Banner in the Sky, Henry Huggins, and Marvin the Moose. These books are all part of my teacher training for the summer.

I can't emphasize enough the power behind reading books geared towards children. Because they're designed to cultivate a love of reading and plant the seeds for critical thought, they are filled with simple yet deeply meaningful themes on the human condition. 

While reading these books you can't help but tap back into that younger version of yourself that believed in the importance of community and that anything is possible.

Pick up a kid's book and get back in touch with your sense of curiosity and faith in the world.

Stamina

We all lead busy lives. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. Even in the rare moments where it seems we have a moment to catch up with a friend, or finish up that book something tugs at us, once again demanding our attention.

After completing another week of intense teacher training and still finding some way to pursue my creative projects, I'm appreciating more and more the importance of mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical stamina. 

Coasting on fumes for a while might seem like a nice trick at first, but I assure you it's not sustainable. Your body may be up, but your focus will wane and the quality of your work will plummet. 

Self-care is crucial to the well-being of an artist. It entails eating right, getting enough rest, protecting your mind from a toxic environment, and having a strong "why." The need to take care of ourselves seems painfully obvious, but as someone once said, "What's easy to do is easy not to do."

Prioritize your health otherwise nothing else matters.

Cutting Toxic People from Your Life Even When You Care About Them

Confidence is a result of growing comfortable in your own skin. It's a process cultivated over time through experience and getting clear on your core values. And it's likely if you're happy with who you are and have a strong sense of your principles, you've learned to surround yourself with forward-thinking people - individuals who support your vision, have your back, hold you accountable to taking action, and try to maintain a positive outlook.

Unfortunately, cutting toxic people from your life can be quite complicated. Sometimes it's the people closest to us who always seem to have an axe to grind, or have something negative to say.

You may have spent so much time with these people over the years you don't even realize how you morph into someone else in their presence, taking on their cancerous energy. Without knowing it, you start to talk about people behind their back and refuse to see the potential in others. 

Let me tell you, once you take a step back and really take inventory of the toxic residue that's seeped into your psyche, you will be much more vigilant with your mind and time.

Even when it's difficult we have to work overtime to protect our relationship to our goals, ambitions, and sense of service. Spending time with those who fail to see the good in the world threaten your potential.

Get the memo out that you won't tolerate toxic people and their energy no matter who it is. Your future depends on it. 

It Ain't What It Seems

Whenever I see a professional athlete playing at a high level, an actor delivering a perfect monologue, or marvel over the prose of my favorite authors I have to remind myself the incredible hard work that went into building each craft.

When we watch the Super Bowl, Tony Awards, or see the emblem "Pulitzer Prize" gracing the cover of a book we are seeing a snapshot. The thousands of hours that went into seeing something personally meaningful through are not measured. We are not privy to how many times an actor though about quitting, or an athlete doubted his ability.

It's important to take into account that most of what it takes to become great at something isn't sexy. It's hard, hard work and it must be done when nobody's watching. 

STIMULUS + THOUGHT = REACTION

This afternoon I was driving down a busy street in my hometown. The car ahead of me swerved around a truck parked near the side of the road. Just then the gentlemen driving the car in the left lane slammed on his breaks. From where I was sitting, the two weren't anywhere close to colliding.

The car on the right then retaliated by cutting him off. They sped up and off in the distance I could see the cat and mouse game went on for quite some time. That looks so ridiculous, I thought to myself. Two grown adults acting out.

It then dawned on me that I have absolutely partaken in similar behavior. I wondered how many times I would have refrained from doing, or saying something stupid if I had the ability to look outside myself.  

What's interesting is we actually do. It just requires restraint and a little recalibration. When something occurs we tend to instantly react. STIMULUS = RESPONSE. 

But when we slow that process down and interrupt it with a thought we have the capacity to make a better decision. It looks more like this:

STIMULUS + THOUGH = REACTION

We can do this by collecting ourselves when someone cuts us off, says something unsettling, or an event fails to go the way we hoped. 

In other words, we can choose the way we react to our environment.  

Words of Wisdom from the Great Pablo Neruda

In keeping with the theme of the To the Prospective Artist movement - empowering actors and artists to live bold lives "off-stage" to enrich the quality of their work on it, I refer to one of my favorite poems. The poet Pablo Neruda clearly understood how a compelling life influences meaningful art:

YOU START DYING SLOWLY

You start dying slowly
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.
You start dying slowly
When you kill your self-esteem;
When you do not let others help you.
You start dying slowly
If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colours
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.
You start dying slowly
If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast.
You start dying slowly
If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,
If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
If you do not go after a dream,
If you do not allow yourself,
At least once in your lifetime,
To run away from sensible advice…

Dance Dance Dance

Ever been sitting at party while everyone else is on the dance floor cutting up a rug? A friend notices you nursing a drink and catches your eye. You immediately gaze toward the floor because you know exactly what that look means - she wants you to stop being a stick in the mud and dance.

"I'm not much of a dancer," you claim. But she insists and it is after all a celebration. You reluctantly get to your feet as she takes you by the hand. Slowly you make your way to the dance floor as the classic hip hop hits of your adolescence blare in the background. Maybe this won't be so bad, you think.

Before long you're half stepping, maybe even doing The Hustle. But you're not really moving. You straddle the fence and as a result your moves are awkward and irregular. You can't seem to find the beat.

Dancing is a perfect example of something we can't half ass. You're either in, or you're out. If you're playing the middle you look non-committal and your intentions are unclear.

Even if you're not exactly Fred Astaire, when you commit, at least you've made the choice to fully invest in what you're doing. You may miss a step or two but at least now you're in a position to learn, to grow, and adjust accordingly to what's around you.

If you're going to dance then dance.

Always Be a Tourist

Just because your trip must eventually come to an end doesn’t mean your curiosity has to.  When you return home remember to protect your curiosity and "inner tourist." Constantly be on the look out for new things to see and do. 

I used to marvel at how people living in New York seldom took the time to glance up at some 100-year old building, or appreciate its elaborate architecture. Appreciating our surroundings also diminishes our ability to take things for granted. A skill very much worth honing.