Find Your Inner Tourist

There is nothing like visiting an interesting place for the first time. But the novelty of living in a place wears off and getting stuck in spiritless routines happens to everyone. 

There are ways to shake things up that begin with allowing yourself to protect your curiosity.  

Take a different route to work.  

Stop by that restaurant you’ve been walking past for 3 years. 

Slow things down and bring deliberate attention to at least a moment or two throughout the day.  

With practice your focus and alertness will deepen, which invariably informs your artistry.

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What You Want Changes, and that's Okay

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” Tennyson’s words are a perfect reminder of the need to constantly push ourselves beyond our comfort zone. The greater effort you put into honing your craftsmanship as an actor, entrepreneur, writer, parent, or artist of life (which we all are) the more you’ll recognize your strengths, weaknesses, and ever shifting goals. 

As a young actor barreling out of drama school I was willing to act anywhere. I performed more times than I can even remember in little black box theaters in the East Village, sometimes in front of just 5 or 10 people. And I was happy as a clam doing it. I learned so much about acting and built a community around my passion. 

Today, taking part in little staged readings and performing in off-off Broadway theaters is no longer in line with the long-term vision I have for myself. I’ve graduated to higher aspirations discovered while pushing myself. My goals have changed because I have. 

As a result, I have a better sense of what I want for my life, and equally important, what I don’t.  

"The Greatest Tragedy of All is Not the Reality of Failure but the Loss of Hope."

Over the years I've seen way too many talented actor and artist friends equate their self-worth with a resume, or IMDB page. And it absolutely breaks my heart. 

Most of us would agree that if you go into the arts in the first place there is a burning desire to express one self that is often accompanied by an equally powerful need for validation. The trouble is, validation from others is not sustainable. It has to come from within. 

We need to change the metrics of how we gauge self-worth and success. We don't have to overlook the impact we can have at home, in our schools, churches, or communities. That counts too. 

In time, a beautiful thing begins to happen. We start to reframe the way we see everything, including failure. We no longer fear it but accept it as an integral part of a longer and broader journey. We learn to take it in stride and in the process recognize the importance of protecting our spirits. We remain hopeful. 

And that is the starting point for great art. 

It Has to Be for YOU

As a creator, you're going to come up against a lot of resistance. People won't understand or appreciate what you're trying to say. You'll wrestle with your own doubts of whether or not a pursuit devoted to telling stories and creating are is worth it. You may even start to compare yourself with the careers and work of others, which never leads to anything good.

What makes be an actor or artist so difficult is how mentally tough you need to be. Because a life devoted to telling stories and creating are is such a solo endeavor you spend a great deal of time battling the voices in your own head that tell you what you do isn't impactful.

What will sustain you through those challenging times is the fact you are ultimately creating art for YOU. If it's for someone else's approval you'll never be happy. 

If on the other hand, someone finds joy in work you ALSO find meaningful, well, it doesn't get much better than that. To share your voice with the world and have it resonate with a community of like-mined people is why we do what we do.

Dangerous Habit

One of the best ways to waste your time not only as an actor, but I suppose in general, is to compare yourself to others. Whether it's classmates, or famous actors that have you going on an IMDB binge to see what someone accomplished by the time they were your age, all roads are sure to lead to unhelpful destinations.

If you're currently in BFA, or MFA training programs, or just taking classes regularly, it's important to know some people will get a break right out the gates and some won't. The important thing is not to get caught up in what others are doing. Try and support your colleagues as best you can knowing there's enough pie for everyone. Your success doesn't need to come at the expense of someone else's failure.

You are only in competition with yourself. Your only job is to be better than you were yesterday. Not just as an artist but at life.

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield

Tennyson’s words are a perfect mantra for any artist trying to develop a system for reaching their goals. And the more you put yourself out there the more you’ll recognize your strengths, weaknesses, and that your goals often change. 

At first, performing in little black box theaters in front of 10 or 15 people will make you happy as a clam. You'll learn a great deal about acting, make great friends, and find collaborators. 

But eventually, those same venues may not be in line with the long-term vision you have for yourself. You'll graduate to higher goals, bigger stages, and more challenging material. 

All good things. 

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

As hokey at it sounds, it's important to honor the journey. But what does that even mean?

My interpretation is that it's about having the patience to sit with uncertainty and be curious about what you fear rather than stifled by it. Both seem to be integral parts of becoming a better artist, and more importantly, individual. 

Success is often the ability to look back on an event and just note that you survived. But we can also work to frame our experiences in a meaningful and helpful way:

ATTENTION	INTERPRETATION	MEMORY
Focus on what you have to be grateful for. It's much harder to acknowledge what you don't have when the emphasis is on what you do.	Tough experiences and feelings can be a  reason for inspiration, opportunity, and growth.  Frame your setbacks advantageously.	Remember past events more favorably.  Allow yourself to selectively remember certain events:  people who do so are happier overall.

Forget the Need for Approval

If you've been an actor, or artist long enough chances are you've come up against some form of resistance from family, or friends. This "resistance" may have occurred in the form of judgment or disapproval. 

If there's one thing I've learned in pursuing a less conventional line of work that also happens to pose some lofty challenging, it's that it will rarely feel like others are supporting you. And that's okay.

It's my hope that you have a like-minded group of friends who believe in you, but because there's so much solitude in pursuing an artistic career you'll need to possess an inherent belief in yourself. 

You'll have to know what you're doing is the right thing for you even when tested against the majority's idea of conventional success, i.e. big salaries, summer homes, titles etc. 

Because you have an unconventional path you will also have an unconventional definition of success. And as long as you take ownership of that notion you'll be less likely to feel the need to justify what it is you do. Your approval is what matters.

Stella Adler once wrote, "In spite of all the things people say to discourage or belittle you, in spite of all the failure and defeats, you're trying. That is what people are jealous of - not your success but of your trying.


So forget the need for approval because you'll likely never get it. But what's great is you also don't need it.

Be Part of Something Where It Matters if You Show Up

One of the biggest challenges of being an artist is the solitude. Unless you're consistently working in a collaborative capacity -- rehearsing a play, shooting a film, or showing work in an exhibition there is A LOT of time spent alone.

And it's when we're alone when we find ourselves battling the voices that nudge us to consider more conventional paths or question the meaning of our creative contributions.

What we need is no different from what anybody else yearns for - to be part of a community of like-minded people where we feel we're making an impact. 

Whatever your medium it may help to find a place through volunteer service, or community outreach work where it really does matters if you show up or not; a place where people are counting on you to deliver value and share what you know.

This will do wonders for your morale and likely support your artistry in unexpected ways.

What is the Cost?

If you've been an actor, or artist long enough chances are you've had to defend your decision to pursue a less conventional path at some point. Maybe there's been a spirited debate or two between parents, or friends still holding out for the off-chance you'll become a doctor. "There's still time!" you may have heard.

Change is unsettling to most. It challenges people's understanding of the world - or at least what they think they know. It creates disharmony in our routines, and oh, how people love routine.

Still, at some point YOU have to decide who's life you're going to live. Your time on this planet is limited and many of our decisions have far more significant impact down the road than we can imagine. 

There's an impressive list of folks who kept their head down and decided to appease a parent, or a loved one at great sacrifice - by giving up that which they held most dear; the pursuit of becoming a creator, a dreamer, an artist.

Ask yourself, what is the cost of living someone else's life?

Lost Credibility

This morning at about 5:00 am I took my brother to the airport. It was still dark when we left the house. The air was cold, the neighborhood silent, broken only by the quick and loud cries from our family German Shepherd as I quietly closed the front door.

About 5 minutes into our ride we were abruptly cut off by a large white van. The driver was trying to pass our car in the right lane so he could maneuver back into the fast lane past two slower moving cars.

Instantly, I flashed my high beams, sped up, and steered in front of him. My brother seemed surprised by my reaction. He knew there was nothing I worked harder on than myself - striving each day to become a person of greater integrity, poise, and judgement. "I guess you are like me, Dad, and Danny," he said.

I instantly went fishing for excuses. "Well, you know, it's because I felt defensive with my brother in the car." Or, "Sometimes you just have to let people know they can't get away with those kind of things." Afterwards, I even told him not to do what I'd just done. "Life's too short to get worked up over something so silly," I said.

The problem was I now had ZERO CREDIBILITY. I told him something and then did the exact opposite. When I returned home, I couldn't stop thinking about my error in judgement. I started to think of other times I'd failed to back my words with action. 

How many times had I told an actor friend not to take rejection personally but done so myself? Encouraged colleagues to create their own work by writing original plays, short films, or screenplays while I sat idle? Or nudged my artist friends to practice work-life balance, while neglecting friends and family by focusing solely on improving as an actor?

In the end, I was glad the incident had happened. It had given me a chance to regroup and get back in touch with the type of artist, actor, brother, and person I still hoped to be. I wrote my brother an apology a few hours later hoping he'd take to heart my closing sentiments.

Still, there's no excuse for my actions. I always try and set a good example for you and Danny and really failed you this morning. I hope you know to think before your actions and appreciate it's just not worth it. Life is too short to get into an altercation or get hurt over something so silly. 

I hope you'll accept my apology. It won't happen again.

Nick

Hopefully the next time we'll both practice what we preach.