"These kids really struggle with that...."

Yesterday afternoon I paid a visit to my old high school. An old mentor invited me to speak to her students on what I call, The 4 Truths of Creating Your Own Opportunities. It was an opportunity to give my upcoming TEDx Talk in Cleveland a test run.

When I entered the drama room I saw that virtually nothing had changed. The same cramped office sat in the corner, beat-up sofas lined the stage, and even the lighting was the same. It brought back some fond memories of playing drama games like, Black Widow and Zip-Zap-Zop.

Thankfully the speech seemed to resonate with the students. They asked questions afterwards and we had a great discussion on the importance of creating your own opportunities, building the right philosophy, avoiding toxic people and environments, and working hard without losing perspective. But one subject matter in particular proved to be a sensitive one. When sharing some of my successes as an actor and writer I mentioned the key was learning to fall in love with failure.

"These kids really struggle with that one," my teacher told me. "Everything needs to be perfect with these guys." I saw a few kids smile, while others offered a subtle nod of recognition. 

"It's like anything else," I said. "You have to practice it a lot before you get good at it. And once you learn not to take failure personally you'll learn to just keep moving." I also told the story of how when I was a young actor I wanted all my scenes to go perfectly when a very influential teacher took note saying, "The pursuit of perfection is merely the pursuit of vanity."

She was trying to teach me you don't learn anything when you win all the time.

Fundamentals Fundamentals Fundamentals

Those familiar with famed UCLA basketball coach John Wooden may already know how he traditionally ran his first practice of the season. As fresh-faced and spry 18-year old freshmen were chomping at the bit to get on the court and show their stuff, Wooden supposedly spent the bulk of the time showing the young men how to put on their socks and tie their shoes. Future hall-of-famers like Luke Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar looked on in bewilderment wondering if they were being put on.

In time, they would go on to appreciate the coach's unorthodox methods. What Wooden was trying to teach his young players was the necessity of first mastering the fundamentals no matter how well you think you already know them. Showing someone how to properly put on a pair of socks may seem ridiculous but if they're too tight you're likely to get blisters after running up and down the court for hours and having to stop on a dime. In other words, too often we want to just jump in before mastering the basics. 

What Wooden understood was poise, patience, and mastery of the fundamentals were essential to being world class. His 10 national championships in 12 years, including 7 years in a row seem like a pretty strong argument for his belief system. 

Lost Credibility

This morning at about 5:00 am I took my brother to the airport. It was still dark when we left the house. The air was cold, the neighborhood silent, broken only by the quick and loud cries from our family German Shepherd as I quietly closed the front door.

About 5 minutes into our ride we were abruptly cut off by a large white van. The driver was trying to pass our car in the right lane so he could maneuver back into the fast lane past two slower moving cars.

Instantly, I flashed my high beams, sped up, and steered in front of him. My brother seemed surprised by my reaction. He knew there was nothing I worked harder on than myself - striving each day to become a person of greater integrity, poise, and judgement. "I guess you are like me, Dad, and Danny," he said.

I instantly went fishing for excuses. "Well, you know, it's because I felt defensive with my brother in the car." Or, "Sometimes you just have to let people know they can't get away with those kind of things." Afterwards, I even told him not to do what I'd just done. "Life's too short to get worked up over something so silly," I said.

The problem was I now had ZERO CREDIBILITY. I told him something and then did the exact opposite. When I returned home, I couldn't stop thinking about my error in judgement. I started to think of other times I'd failed to back my words with action. 

How many times had I told an actor friend not to take rejection personally but done so myself? Encouraged colleagues to create their own work by writing original plays, short films, or screenplays while I sat idle? Or nudged my artist friends to practice work-life balance, while neglecting friends and family by focusing solely on improving as an actor?

In the end, I was glad the incident had happened. It had given me a chance to regroup and get back in touch with the type of artist, actor, brother, and person I still hoped to be. I wrote my brother an apology a few hours later hoping he'd take to heart my closing sentiments.

Still, there's no excuse for my actions. I always try and set a good example for you and Danny and really failed you this morning. I hope you know to think before your actions and appreciate it's just not worth it. Life is too short to get into an altercation or get hurt over something so silly. 

I hope you'll accept my apology. It won't happen again.

Nick

Hopefully the next time we'll both practice what we preach.