Lost Credibility

This morning at about 5:00 am I took my brother to the airport. It was still dark when we left the house. The air was cold, the neighborhood silent, broken only by the quick and loud cries from our family German Shepherd as I quietly closed the front door.

About 5 minutes into our ride we were abruptly cut off by a large white van. The driver was trying to pass our car in the right lane so he could maneuver back into the fast lane past two slower moving cars.

Instantly, I flashed my high beams, sped up, and steered in front of him. My brother seemed surprised by my reaction. He knew there was nothing I worked harder on than myself - striving each day to become a person of greater integrity, poise, and judgement. "I guess you are like me, Dad, and Danny," he said.

I instantly went fishing for excuses. "Well, you know, it's because I felt defensive with my brother in the car." Or, "Sometimes you just have to let people know they can't get away with those kind of things." Afterwards, I even told him not to do what I'd just done. "Life's too short to get worked up over something so silly," I said.

The problem was I now had ZERO CREDIBILITY. I told him something and then did the exact opposite. When I returned home, I couldn't stop thinking about my error in judgement. I started to think of other times I'd failed to back my words with action. 

How many times had I told an actor friend not to take rejection personally but done so myself? Encouraged colleagues to create their own work by writing original plays, short films, or screenplays while I sat idle? Or nudged my artist friends to practice work-life balance, while neglecting friends and family by focusing solely on improving as an actor?

In the end, I was glad the incident had happened. It had given me a chance to regroup and get back in touch with the type of artist, actor, brother, and person I still hoped to be. I wrote my brother an apology a few hours later hoping he'd take to heart my closing sentiments.

Still, there's no excuse for my actions. I always try and set a good example for you and Danny and really failed you this morning. I hope you know to think before your actions and appreciate it's just not worth it. Life is too short to get into an altercation or get hurt over something so silly. 

I hope you'll accept my apology. It won't happen again.

Nick

Hopefully the next time we'll both practice what we preach.