High School Class that Changed My Life

During my senior year in high school I took a class called, "Living and Dying." The course was taught by a terrific teacher and an influential mentor. "I'm going to die young," he began the class by saying. "I know it." Only he didn't say it in some morbid or ominous way. He was trying to get our 17-year old minds to understand our time on earth is finite. We all hope to live for many, many years but the trick is to live like we're not guaranteed tomorrow.

Yesterday, as I sat in a coffee shop shortly before meeting a good friend, I overheard a couple of friends who'd run into one another. "How you doing?" one asked. "Hey, one day closer to Friday."

Coincidentally, that was another one of the lessons I took away from my "Living and Dying" class. "Don't jus try to get through the week," our teacher told us. "Those days you're trying to speed through are all part of your life."

When we live with greater intentionality and an understanding that someday we'll miss the very moments we were trying to blow past, we'll grow to appreciate that life is simply all those little moments added up. 

It's Not About Where It'll Get You

When you're a kid you're conditioned to believe if you just work hard enough all your dreams will eventually be realized. As you get older in life you begin to appreciate the undeniable role luck plays in reaching exceptional heights. 

Maya Angelou was once asked about the remarkable qualities leaders like John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela possessed. She argued they weren't any more talented than you or I, they were just in the right place at the right time and "grabbed on to something."

The point is that we may or may not reach our carefully scripted dreams even if we work incredibly hard and have immense talent. But that alone should not stop us from working hard and putting our best effort towards being better than we were yesterday. 

When we rejoice in hard work and the act of striving for its own sake great things can still happen even if they are not in harmony with what we thought we once wanted.

Praise Others Regularly

The other day I struck up a conversation with a woman who works at a supermarket I frequent. I have to say she's a pretty remarkable lady. She works hard, always has a smile on her face, and says hello to absolutely everyone. She clearly takes pride in her work and really loves people.

I finally mustered up the courage to go up to her and share my thoughts on how great I thought she was. "You know, I come here all the time and have to say I admire how kind and thoughtful you are to everyone. This place is really lucky to have you. It's clear you have a very big heart," I told her.

She smiled before saying, "You know, I really do." I could tell she was grateful for the words of encouragement even if she already knew as much. Who knows, it may have put an extra bounce in her step.

The point is, we don't praise others nearly enough. Even when we take note of how someone is being awesome at life we often keep it to ourselves for fear it won't come out right, or won't make a difference.

Go to the fear. Speak words of praise. It will matter.

What You Want Changes, and that's Okay

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” Tennyson’s words are a perfect reminder of the need to constantly push ourselves beyond our comfort zone. The greater effort you put into honing your craftsmanship as an actor, entrepreneur, writer, parent, or artist of life (which we all are) the more you’ll recognize your strengths, weaknesses, and ever shifting goals. 

As a young actor barreling out of drama school I was willing to act anywhere. I performed more times than I can even remember in little black box theaters in the East Village, sometimes in front of just 5 or 10 people. And I was happy as a clam doing it. I learned so much about acting and built a community around my passion. 

Today, taking part in little staged readings and performing in off-off Broadway theaters is no longer in line with the long-term vision I have for myself. I’ve graduated to higher aspirations discovered while pushing myself. My goals have changed because I have. 

As a result, I have a better sense of what I want for my life, and equally important, what I don’t.  

No Matter How Tempting, Don't Get Flustered

Ever have one of those days where you feel like all you're doing is putting out fires? You lock yourself out of your apartment, there's a hiccup with technology you depend on, or someone didn't honor a commitment?

You can bet money those days will occur throughout your life no matter how many contingency plans you've mentally mapped out. It's just a integral part of life.

The good news is we can control how we react. We can choose to keep our poise and not give into feeling flustered. We may not instantly have a clear sense of how to resolve a particular issue, but by tempering the role emotion plays we can at least set the foundation for digging ourselves out.

Perspective is rarely, if ever, gained while worked up. Keep your cool.

Push Through the Fatigue

My morning did not get off to the most auspicious of starts. I had trouble locating some of the materials for my morning class, the building was locked when I arrived, I felt rushed long before my first class, and to top it all off, I was exhausted. 

When the first students started to file in, I did my best to collect myself before digging my heels in and holding on for the ride. What ever happens, I'll give it everything I have, I said to myself.

Not long into the lesson I found my rhythm and felt the fumes I was running on kick into another gear. I felt energized as any sense of doubt and weariness began to slowly fade away.

Physical health is the foundation necessary for all the other important arenas in our lives to really thrive. But there will be times when we're short on rest and being at our absolute best is simply not an option.

If you have something you absolutely need to do you will find a way to push through the fatigue. You have more gas in the spiritual tank than you think.

Own Your Weird

Live in New York City long enough and your ability to be shocked by anything gradually dissipates. The city is packed with so many colorful and unique people. Street artists vie for your attention as you make your way to a cross town train, creative marketing techniques are used to win your business, and several avenues make you feel as though you have a front row seat to a fall fashion show.

I think one of the many reasons people love New York is it's a community where people aren't afraid to own their weird. Perhaps it's because most feel there's a prevailing sense of ambivalence of what you're doing anyway, but whatever it is, a sense of originality has been beautifully cultivated by many.

What if we dared to speak the ideas out loud we so fear others would ridicule? What would it be like if we took pride in our sensibilities and predilections? How about if we weren't ashamed of being ourselves in the most compelling ways?

My guess is you may come up against some judgment, but that it would be based on the fears of those doing the judging. Perhaps, your impulse to be uniquely you would ruffle some feathers because your living out what others so desperately want to do too.

In the long-run, other's may not "get it," and that's just fine. On the other had you may start a movement. 

The latter makes it worth the risk. 

A Few Simple Thoughts on Deciding Where to Live for Work

Be honest with the type of work you really want to pursue as an actor. If it’s theater that calls, New York maybe your town. If you dream of being on the next JJ Abrams series, Los Angeles is your best bet.

Remember to also consider the pros and cons of living in each city. Where you call home is going to have a huge impact on your quality of life and how you approach your career. 

Live and work where you’ll be most happy.

Protect Your Spirit Like a Running Back

For those who love American football you'll notice similarities among the great running backs. They're agile, have a low center of gravity, are good at reading defenses, able to adjust on a dime, and of course, it never hurts to have an excellent offensive line.

A great running back also excels at protecting the football. Having to navigate past such remarkable athletes en route to the end zone without getting tackled is hard enough, but the opposing team is also trying to rip the ball from their hands.

Part of the journey of an artist is learning to protect your mindset. Like football, there are obstacles speeding towards you, which you're forced to deal with head on. But in order to do that, you have to learn to protect your spirit the way a running back protects the ball.

There will be false starts, unfair calls, and big scary challenges along the way, but we still need to find creative ways to protect our joy.

And like a seasoned veteran who studies his playbook in practice, the more you work at it, the less you'll have to think about how when it's game time. You're muscle memory kicks in and you'll know what to do.

Whatever happens just get back up and see the game through.

Know Why, then Figure out How

This afternoon I met up with a fellow actor. We talked about her one-person show and how excited she was to see something she worked hard to develop finally come to pass. She told me friends told her for years to write a one-woman show but that it just didn't seem right until now. "I didn't feel the need to write something just to be seen."

Her comment resonated with me. I too had worked for many months on a one-man show, chronicling the transition in my life. I suppose I started writing because I felt the need to cling to an identity I had know for so long.

When I met up with an old teacher of mine whose opinion I valued he said, "I'm happy to offer my feedback, but my first question is, do you need to tell this story?" I remember sort of shuffling my feet and staring at hands before admitting I didn't.

It's important that we find creative ways to get our voice out into the world and take advantage of the countless platforms now available for us to do so. But it won't really mean anything if we don't know why we're doing what we're doing. Getting a play, or a film made is so challenging that if you don't have a deep enough "why," it's likely you'll tire quick and hang it up. Your heart somehow knows when it's being duped.

Know why, then figure out how.

The Problem with Waiting for Others

This afternoon I spoke with a good friend of mine about how her work as a costume and set designer was coming along. "I'm still waiting to hear back from the director," she told me. Apparently she'd been in a holding pattern for several weeks for not one, but two different jobs. "Why don't you start looking for another opportunity?" I asked. "I really want one of these," she responded.

Eventually our conversation veered towards matters of the heart. She revealed she was also waiting for someone she liked to officially invite her to an event. "It's been two weeks and still no word," she cried.

All of this waiting got me thinking. When we sit idle hoping for a response we're essentially waiting for permission to live our lives. While we wait for the phone to ring time marches on and opportunities are missed.

Don't wait for a green light to create your own breaks. If someone doesn't get back to you recalibrate and find a community that will. Better yet, create that community yourself. 

While you sit waiting for that perfect opportunity everyone else is busy living their lives. 

Rejoice in Hard Work for It's Own Sake

George Bernard Shaw once said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live." His words make a great deal more sense to me than they once did.

As a young actor, I was convinced that with hard work and determination I could get anything I wanted. But as time went on, I began to appreciate there were many variables beyond my control. 

At first, this realization left me discouraged as I bemoaned the "injustice" of the industry.
But as I got older I realized that the work was the gift. When I stopped looking at the long hours I put in to becoming great at something I loved doing as simply a means to end, I began to understand I was already living the dream. 

Your Subconscious Knows

If there's one thing about pursuing a life in the arts it's that it's very easy to get discouraged. The lack of opportunities, the constant rejection, and the fierce competition can take start to really take it's toll. But through all of that adversity I've learned it's also crucial to have impeccable word - to speak consistent messages of self-empowerment. We can positive and optimistic, while still being grounded.

I've found when your words are not congruent to your actions it becomes very difficult to build serious momentum. You may really believe in your ability as a writer, actor, or dancer but if your inner monologue is not in harmony with those sentiments you have a problem. 

Though you may continue to work hard, diligently improve you craft, and continue auditioning, if you're saying things like, "No wonder I wasn't cast," or "My career is going nowhere," you won't be firing on all cylinders. 

Your subconscious somehow knows it's being duped. Try getting your mind and your actions in harmony and see what happens.

Change Your Batting Stance

Like many boys growing up I was a big baseball fan. I was also fortuitously linked to a golden age of Bay Area sports having grown up in Oakland.  The Oakland Athletics won American League Pennants 3 years in a row and were World Series champs during my childhood.

I remember one game when the A’s were hosting the Baltimore Orioles and future Hall of Famer Cal Ripken. The Orioles shortstop hit three homers that day and when I read about his feat in the Sporting Green I came across something that really impressed me.

It turned out that in-between each at bat Ripken was changing-up his swing. I couldn’t understand why a player who was already hitting so well would want to change a thing. But years later I grew to appreciate his refusal to settle despite success. He was constantly tweaking his approach in search of ways to be even better. 

Holding Yourself to a High Standard Vs. Being Too Hard on Yourself

There's a difference between holding yourself to a high standard and being too hard on yourself. Admittedly, I haven't always been great at separating the two. Having high hopes and ambitious goals means making sacrifices, but does depriving yourself of certain things mean you're not as generous with yourself as you should be? I suppose it all depends on how you view those sacrifices.

I've come to believe that a safe indicator of whether or not we could stand to be a little kinder to ourselves is asking the question, Would I treat another person the way I treat myself? If the answer is no, there's likely an opportunity to be more patient, forgiving, and understanding when we have a setback, lapse in judgment, and come up short. 

Personally, being hard on myself has allowed me to cultivate some strong habits and I've programed myself not to settle for less than I think I'm capable of. But it can come at a cost. I remember as a young acting student at Columbia University, I often chose solitude over camaraderie and competition over community. And though I made great strides in my craft as an actor, I felt bankrupt in many of the arenas of my life that really mattered.

The point is, you can hold yourself to a high standard and still recognize that you're human and aren't always going to get it right. When we lean into our imperfections and allow ourselves to just unwind from time to time, you're on your way to cultivating a sense of discipline with a healthy sense of balance. 

Now it's up to you to figure out what that looks like.

Honor Your Parents

I remember a few years back watching an interview with the then soon-to-be retiree, Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees. He was asked how he managed to stay on the straight and narrow, avoiding temptation and the shenanigans so prevalent among sports stars. "I just never wanted to embarrass my parents," he said.

Whether we realize it or not we are ambassadors of the people who shaped us. Our actions embody the example and legacy of our parents, friends, and mentors. When we do right we honor them and signify we're grateful for the contribution they made to our lives.

Everyone makes mistakes and we're all deeply flawed. But by making the effort each day to thrive in all the important arenas of our life we set precedent for those behind us with the hope they may follow our lead long after we're gone.

Don't Read a Book Just One Time

I've somehow managed to exceed the amount of content you're permitted to store on an iPod at any given time. It's usually stocked with podcasts, audiobooks, and music. But because I haven't been able to add anything for a few weeks (still trying to get through a 700-page audiobook which will free up lots of space!) I've been listening to the same motivational record everyday for nearly a month.

Now, as I get ready to begin the day I find myself mouthing the words by rote. I can hear the maxims and valuable insights echoing in my head as I get into my car. What's more, I find myself implementing what's being said.

What all of this has made me realize is how little I've observed by reading a book, or listening to informative audio program just one time. The information literally has to permeate your mind and get deep into your pores until it becomes second nature. 

As I look at the dozens and dozens of books I've read in just the past few years, I'd likely have trouble coming up with 5 valuable insights I took away.

Before you close that book, or look for the newest podcast, try giving it another go, then maybe another. 

You may be surprised by how long it takes for something to stick.  

First Day of School

Yesterday, marked the first day of my summer teaching position. I'm working for an organization geared towards helping kids from 4k all the way to high school learn to fall in love with books and storytelling. 

The strategies are also made up of some more technical components like teaching phonics, speed reading, and gauging reading comprehension. It was a challenging but great first day.

En route to my new job I left before the crack of dawn. I didn't want to take any chances with the traffic that has now become legendary, or infamous rather, in these parts. I tripled checked all the materials I needed to bring, but quickly found out during my second class I should have looked once more. 

"You forgot it,"a first grader said to me. There aren't many things worse than that sinking feeling of letting someone down.

Still, I improvised. I made the best out of an avoidable situation and ended on a strong note. And my first go was a Masters Class. Here's what I learned:

• Go to the fear immediately. Don’t wait, or you'll likely never do it.
• Stay healthy – get rest, eat well, and be kind to yourself. You will not last if you don’t.
• You have more energy than you think.
• You will rise to the occasion no matter how hard the work if you’ve trained properly beforehand.
• NOTHING goes according to plan.
• You must be flexible.
• Kindness and patience no matter what.

Speed Up Your Recovery Time

The single greatest gift being an actor has given me is teaching me to have absolutely zero fear of failure. I wish everyone could be in the entertainment industry for this reason alone. Unfortunately, I still see far too many people crippled by the thought of failure to even begin. 

Strange as it may sound, getting good at failure, or rather accepting failure, is like any endeavor. The more you practice the better you get at it. In time, you'll learn to appreciate that failure is an integral part of success and both need one another in order to exist. 

So how do you get better at accepting failure? Simple. Constantly put yourself out there. Whether you want to ask someone out, submit a film to a festival, or audition for a play you don't seem "right" for it takes a sustained effort.

Once you hear the word, "no" enough times something remarkable slowly takes shape. You stop taking it personally. Instead, you take failure in stride, and most importantly, move on to the next best thing. 

With enough practice the time between each setback and moving forward speeds up, you take less time to dust yourself off, return from your hibernation, and just keep moving. 

So fail fast. Fail often. And get back up quicker and quicker each time. 

Mistakes are Encouraged

One bit of training that was really hit home to all the teachers in my summer program was that mistakes are a beautiful thing. "Teach the kids that messing up is always welcome. It's the only way we learn. Encourage them." 

If only we could have all been taught how wonderful mistakes are at such a young age. Perhaps we'd all fear failure a great deal less.

Still, the greatest gift the acting industry gave me was learning to have no fear of not getting it right. Instead, I discovered the power of leaning into my fears and developed a “fail fast” mindset. In time, I learned to build up my recovery time and gradually became more and more resilient.

Remember, failures are an essential part of success. The two need each other. And the more you can learn to reframe setbacks into opportunities to solve bigger problems most people won’t dare take on the further ahead you'll be. 

You'll learn to become less daunted by setback and take satisfaction in starting and finishing something important to you, regardless of what other people think or say.

So fail fast. Fail often.