It's Just As Important to Know Who You Don't Want to Become

I've been very lucky throughout my life. I had the great fortune of being raised by two terrific parents, growing in an open-minded community, making great friends, and seeing much of the world. The remarkable people in my life have really made my life worth living. I could go on and on about all the qualities I admire about them. They're trustworthy, ambitious, kind, funny, resilient, and have lots of integrity.

But I've also learned how they, like all of us, can get in their own way. We're all deeply flawed people living a flawed life. Our job is to try and be better than we were the day before. And I say this respectfully, but you can learn a great deal from your inner circle about the qualities and tendencies you'd also like to avoid. 

From watching the people I most love and admire I've learned I want to cultivate a greater sense of patience. I don't want to end each day watching mindless television. I want to continue to work on myself and eat well. I don't want sports to be the only topic of discussion. And I don't want to ever be late for an appointment.

Take a closer look at the people you appreciate and take into consideration both the positive and not so positive qualities you can strive towards and weave around. 

It's just as important to know who you don't want to become as it is who you do. 

Holding Yourself to a High Standard Vs. Being Too Hard on Yourself

There's a difference between holding yourself to a high standard and being too hard on yourself. Admittedly, I haven't always been great at separating the two. Having high hopes and ambitious goals means making sacrifices, but does depriving yourself of certain things mean you're not as generous with yourself as you should be? I suppose it all depends on how you view those sacrifices.

I've come to believe that a safe indicator of whether or not we could stand to be a little kinder to ourselves is asking the question, Would I treat another person the way I treat myself? If the answer is no, there's likely an opportunity to be more patient, forgiving, and understanding when we have a setback, lapse in judgment, and come up short. 

Personally, being hard on myself has allowed me to cultivate some strong habits and I've programed myself not to settle for less than I think I'm capable of. But it can come at a cost. I remember as a young acting student at Columbia University, I often chose solitude over camaraderie and competition over community. And though I made great strides in my craft as an actor, I felt bankrupt in many of the arenas of my life that really mattered.

The point is, you can hold yourself to a high standard and still recognize that you're human and aren't always going to get it right. When we lean into our imperfections and allow ourselves to just unwind from time to time, you're on your way to cultivating a sense of discipline with a healthy sense of balance. 

Now it's up to you to figure out what that looks like.

Do.

"Be one of the few who do rather than the many who talk." These words stopped me in my tracks the other day as I listened to an audiobook. I took personal inventory of all the times in my life I said I'd do something only to get distracted with another project or forget my proclamation entirely. 

What I've learned, particularly in the last few years, is there is no shortage of people who claim they'll do things. There is however, a deficit who say as they do and do as they say.

I have a great empathy for this struggle and believe it comes down to the fact that people don't think they know how to get started. The truth is, you already know exactly what you need to do. The missing components are confidence and action. The first step is the simplest and hardest - beginning.

Say you want to write a novel. An ambitious goal no doubt, but far from impossible. Sit down and write one sentence. Tomorrow try and write two, even if they're awful. Just begin and stick with it. 

Soon, you'll develop a sense of consistency and once you do that good luck to anyone who tries to stop you. You will move mountains to maintain a routine if it's important enough to you. That is, if your "why" is lined with your core values.

You can get your voice out into the world, but it requires a sense of calm, concentration, and a heightened intuition that you have the capacity to create something of value, which you most certainly do. 

Here's to the Starters. 

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day

Ross beamed as he sat across from me explaining how his relationship with his girlfriend of two years had made all the difference in navigating the challenging path of an actor. "It's great to have someone to come home to and talk to. She listens and is so supportive of what I'm going through."

I can't tell you the number of actors I've met over the years who were convinced being in a committed relationship would sabotage their dreams of becoming a working actor. "I'm too ambitious," I heard one friend say. "It'd be too hard to balance," another argued.

The truth is, the closer I look, the more I'm convinced that being in a loving and supportive relationship is an advantage...a significant one.

Having a support group at home where you can productively air your setbacks, celebrate your victories, and even work together to strategize how you can be at your best is a game-changer. Even my friends who once believed otherwise are finally starting to come around.

The trick is to find that right person of course, but once you do you'll be amazed at who you become and what you can accomplish together.

The Year Ahead

Long after the ball has dropped and the confetti has been swept up, we take time to ponder the past year's wins and setbacks. Most importantly, we look to the year ahead.

If you're at all like me, you've already taken time to write out your ambitious goals for 2017; disciplines you hope to cement, habits you need to break, and achievements personal and professional you'd very much like to see come to fruition. 

Author, speaker, and former editor of Success Magazine, Darren Hardy once said, "The definition of commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do, long after the mood you said it in has left you."

As you embark on the year ahead consider these two simple thoughts:

1. You can have high standards for yourself and hold yourself accountable without beating yourself up.

2. What will separate the people who achieve their goals versus those who don't will be consistency. Continue to put in the work on a regular basis long after the shininess of a new year has worn off.

Happy New Year and Best of Luck in 2017.

More Than One Way

For years I'd hear high productivity experts say things like, "Work smarter, not harder," or "Efficiency is doing the thing right, while effectiveness is doing the right thing." They all sounded good to my ambitious ears and invariably I'd take a closer look at how I was approaching my career goals and wonder if I could be doing more.

Still, it would take years before I actually understood what it meant to work smarter. I enjoyed working hard and was strangely afraid of losing the identity of someone who gave his all to each worthy pursuit. I didn't particularly care if there was a better, more practical way of doing something. I just needed to sweat while doing it.

As I got older, I grew to appreciate two things: (1) there is no substitute for hard work. (2) working smart and working hard are a potent force when combined. The two should co-exist.

I learned however stubborn I was about my goals I still needed to be flexible in my thinking. If one method wasn't working, however diligent I was, I needed to reconsider how to storm the fortress walls. My target was still the same, but I now had enough self-awareness to realize there wasn't just one way to reach it.