Love Losing

Without a doubt, the greatest gift being an actor has given me is having zero fear of losing. And as hokey as it sounds, learning to sidestep failure and continue to push towards your aspirations is essential.

What I discovered in an industry where you’re told “No,” virtually 99 % of the time, is that failure isn’t a testament to your character, self-worth, or an accurate indicator of your talent. It’s just feedback – a way to assess where you’re at and where you need to be.

But the most important takeaway was that failure wasn’t my problem, my reaction to it was. Being told, “No, Maybe next time,” or “We’re going to pass,” used to put me in a tailspin. But the older I got the more I learned to take it in stride and incorporate those setbacks as integral parts of the longer journey.

Rejoice in Hard Work for It's Own Sake

George Bernard Shaw once said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live." His words make a great deal more sense to me than they once did.

As a young actor, I was convinced that with hard work and determination I could get anything I wanted. But as time went on, I began to appreciate there were many variables beyond my control. 

At first, this realization left me discouraged as I bemoaned the "injustice" of the industry.
But as I got older I realized that the work was the gift. When I stopped looking at the long hours I put in to becoming great at something I loved doing as simply a means to end, I began to understand I was already living the dream. 

Failure is Not the Problem - Our Reaction Is

You've heard me say, the greatest gift being an actor has given me is learning to have no fear of failure. Instead, developing the capacity to lean into what most frightens me. This is a skill that took years to cultivate, but will undoubtedly serve me the rest of my life.

What I discovered is that failure is a necessary part of success. Think about it, the two literally cannot exist without each other. What's most important about setbacks is how we frame them in our minds.

I believe failure is just deferred progress. Each time something does not go our way we're instantly given a set of choices, which is itself a gift. You can take a setback personally and allow it to thwart any future attempts towards your goals. Or, you can use it as a Masters Class to ask yourself a series of questions:

-- Why didn't this work?
-- What could I have done differently?
-- What did I learn from this experience?
-- What strategies do I need to implement so it doesn't happen again?
-- How can I pass on the lessons from this experience to others?

In time, you will condition your mind not to get worked up about failures. You'll learn to take failure less personally. And once you develop the skill of taking setbacks in stride and not allowing it to stop you your capacity for innovation and bold risks grows.

Create. Fail. Rinse and repeat. 

Rose Petals

This morning after I parked my car on a quiet neighborhood block, I noticed an elderly woman walking down the street with a little girl. She was probably 3 years old and I gathered the woman she was walking alongside was her grandmother.

The girl stopped to adjust her shoes before getting up to catch up with the woman. Just before she reached her, a batch of roses in the front yard of a large house grabbed her attention. She stopped for a moment and stood there, mesmerized by the flowers. She reached out to touch the roses, to feel the texture of the petals in her little hand as the woman looked on. She stood their quietly watching her, not rushing the little girl, or showing the slightest sign of impatience.

I couldn’t help but think how new everything was to this child. Life had really just begun. And this woman was allowing her to take it all in. What a gift, I thought. What an extraordinary gift. 

I don’t know when I’ll have children of my own, but hope dearly that I follow her example; to never interrupt one's discovery of life early on, and then forever after.