Love Losing

Without a doubt, the greatest gift being an actor has given me is having zero fear of losing. And as hokey as it sounds, learning to sidestep failure and continue to push towards your aspirations is essential.

What I discovered in an industry where you’re told “No,” virtually 99 % of the time, is that failure isn’t a testament to your character, self-worth, or an accurate indicator of your talent. It’s just feedback – a way to assess where you’re at and where you need to be.

But the most important takeaway was that failure wasn’t my problem, my reaction to it was. Being told, “No, Maybe next time,” or “We’re going to pass,” used to put me in a tailspin. But the older I got the more I learned to take it in stride and incorporate those setbacks as integral parts of the longer journey.

Your Life Wasn't Meant to Be Lived in a Bubble

The other day I was speaking to a good friend of mine who'd been working nonstop to launch an APP she'd developed. A few months back we started a little informal Master Mind group where a group of us meet weekly to discuss our goals. "I'm so glad we're doing this," she told me. "It just forces me to drop everything, close my laptop, and get outside to see actual people."

Her comment got me thinking. I'm all for being extremely driven and putting in the hard work necessary to see our aspirations realized. But if we're not careful I think it can come at a great cost. I often talk about how fiercely competitive I was at graduate school. I'd arrive at the theater at 5:30 am in the morning and had to be the first to sign my name on the check-in sheet. I made great strides in developing my craft as an actor but it came at the expense of pushing away some people who really cared for me. I often chose competition over community and solitude over camaraderie. 

Looking back, I wish I understood what I do now: Life is not meant to be lived in a bubble. It's about relationships, community, connection, and coming up for air every once in a while. It's a constant juggling act, but it's crucial we unplug every now and then and just be around other like-minded people who make us feel good. Otherwise what's the point of it all? 

My hunch is getting to the top won't be fulfilling if you get there alone. 

Resist Being Bullied

I believe trying to talk someone out of their deepest aspirations is a form of bullying. It's a tactic of projecting fear, doubt, and bitterness on to someone with the hope they won't pursue a dream another didn't have the courage to follow themself.

Unfortunately, such opposition often comes from the people who love us most and claim to have our best interests at heart. And in fairness, maybe they believe that. I'm not suggesting you be closed off to constructive feedback but that you protect your dreams fiercely.

Whether it's the arts or some other less conventional career path, when what we do doesn't align with someone's understanding of the world they feel threatened. But if there's one thing I've learned it's that someone else's misgivings about you and your form of expression isn't your problem. 

You're going to come up against a great deal of resistance in this industry so it's crucial you surround yourself with like-minded people who support your vision, have your back, and will hold you accountable to taking action. 

Get Good at the "In-Betweens"

Life is mostly “in-betweens.” But because we’ve become so goal-oriented we consider anything less than a step bringing us closer to our aspirations worth speeding through. We’re all blowing past moments we may someday wish we hadn’t.

Why not become masterful at the little things? Take pride in how you make your bed, or engage with the cashier at your favorite coffee house.

These moments add up to mastery in every day life, which of course is life.

In time, those skills may translate into something bigger and even help get you closer to a dream. Of course, by then you’ll also appreciate attainment of the goal is not the point but rather who you become in its pursuit.

Just a Few Tiny Adjustments is All it May Take

I once heard the difference between hitting a golf ball on the fairway versus in the sand pit is a matter of millimeters. Similarly, in Darren Hardy's bestselling book The Compound Effect he shares the following:

“If the nose of the plane is pointed only 1 percent off course – almost an invisible adjustment when the plane’s sitting on the tarmac in Los Angeles – it will ultimately end up about 150 miles off course, arriving either upstate in Albany or in Dover, Delaware.

The point is, establishing productive habits that will inch you closer to your goals and highest aspirations is not as dramatic as you may think. Hard work and consistency are staples for any endeavor worth pursuing, but far too many people believe that in order to be great their lives need to head in a completely different direction.

Take inventory of your habits. You may be just a few tiny adjustments, which compounded over time, will lead you to where you want to be.

Protect Your Enthusiasm

In Greek, the word "enthusiasm" means to be filled with God. You don't you have to be religious, or even particularly spiritual to appreciate the notion of living with vigor, passion -- a sense of zeal.

But beware. Regardless of what path you embark on you will undoubtedly come across "enthusiasm bandits" -- people committed to stealing your spirit. They may even do so inadvertently or without knowing.

The trick is to protect your enthusiasm. You can do so by sharing your greatest dreams and aspirations with a community of like-minded folks who will support you. You needn't say a word to those who will scoff, snicker, or criticize. 

Another approach you can integrate is to regularly check in with your, "why." If your reasoning for pursuing your creative ambitions is so strong and embedded in the the DNA that makes you who you are, it will be more difficult to be ruffled when someone doesn't support your dream.

Protect your spirit as best you can. You'll need it.