Vincent van Gogh and the Importance of Having Someone in Your Corner

The Man Behind the Brush

He is widely considered the greatest Dutch painter after Rembrandt. In just under 9 years he produced some 800 works of art. And in 2015, his painting L'Allée des Alyscamps sold for $66 million. 

But the man the world would come to know as Van Gogh was shunned from society for most of his life. He struggled with mental illness, had a strained relationship with his parents, and would die of a self-inflicted gun wound at the age of 37. 

What makes his story so remarkable was his ability to find ways to re-invent himself. He was absolutely determined to be of value to the world even if it didn't align with the vision others had for him.

Van Gogh's father was the son of a minister. And in 1877, the family sent Van Gogh to stay with a man named Johannes Stricker, a well-known theologian living in Amsterdam.

Van Gogh's goal was to attend the University of Amsterdam and study theology but he failed the exam and left Amsterdam just a year later.

He then failed yet another course at a Protestant missionary school situated just outside Brussels. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_van_Gogh

Life looked quite bleak for Van Gogh. He'd exhausted the patience of his austere father, whom he often quarreled with. He had no promising prospects for work and perhaps more discouraging, no one seemed to be in his corner.

Except for one man.

Theo van Gogh

The special bond between Vincent and his brother Theo is well-documented. Theo is often credited with nudging Vincent to become an artist in the first place.

Not everyone is going to get what you're trying to do and that's okay.

The two wrote each other regularly and even lived together briefly in Paris. Their correspondence to one another is open, honest, and profoundly heartfelt. Vincent once wrote Theo saying:

"I don't really have any friends except for you, and when I'm ill you're always in my thoughts."

The relationship between the two is not only inspiring but a reminder you don't need droves of people to support your aspirations. No matter what you do there will never be universal consensus it's an endeavor worth pursuing. 

Not everyone is going to get what you're trying to do and that's okay.

It's not your job to be a molder of consensus or a seeker of validation but rather your responsibility to share you unique gifts with those who need them most.

But we all need someone in our corner. Once you find that person honor the relationship while being of value to them as well.

All you need is one.

Curate Your Social Circle

I once had a friend who could convince me the world was going to pieces just by the way he said hello. Each time I tried to get him to look at life in a more positive light he'd say, "I'm just being realistic." What bummed me out most about his take on the world was I saw extraordinary potential in him to do great things.

The truth is, some of the people closest to us will only see the downside of up or have an axe to grind. And it's just not realistic to cut them out of our lives completely. But what we can do is level up the number of positive, ambitious, and inspiring people we spend most of our time with. 

In Brendon Burchard's new book, High Performance Habits he discusses the benefits of surrounding yourself with a community of like-minded people who support your vision, have your back, and will encourage you to hold yourself accountable to making something happen. It turns out there's actual data that supports the notion our lives will eventually reflect the people we spend the most time with.

The people around you affect how much you sleep, the food that you eat, and how much money you spend or save. This dynamic, which has been dubbed "social contagion," has been show to have both detriments and benefits.

On the negative front, researchers have found that bad behaviors and outcomes such as smoking, obesity, loneliness, depression, divorce, and drug use tend to grow in social clusters. If your friends smoke, you probably will, too. The more of your friends who are overweight or divorced, the higher the odds you'll get there, too.

Likewise, positive things such as happiness and prosocial behavior also seem to spread within social groups. For example, if you have a friend who is happy in life, your chances of feeling happy go up by 25 percent. 

It's important we choose our brain trust wisely and actively look for people who make us better. The key is to believe you can get better with the right effort and community behind you. 

You Can't Be All Things to All People

As a young actor I wanted to please everyone. I thought I could be all things to all people. Not only was it incredibly exhausting but impossible. 

When you try to be a crowd pleaser you end up compromising your credibility and sense of integrity. You also lose touch with what is important to you because you spend all your time and resources trying to appeal to other people.

Instead, focus your energy on crafting the message you want to share with the world. Once you do that you won't be easily discouraged by the people who will inevitably not support your vision. You'll be too busy creating community with those who do, while strengthening and refining your own unique voice. 

Community Versus Competition

Nothing gave me greater joy as a young acting student then being the first to sign my name on the check-in sheet. I'd tip toe past a sleeping guard and make my way down to the theater hours before class started. I was driven by the need to be the hardest working actor in my class. Unfortunately, it came at a great cost.

I pushed away people who cared about me and often sought competition over community. It wasn't until I grew older that I realized my time could have been used far more productively by supporting my classmates.

This industry is already so challenging we need to work on being less fragmented by focusing on our shared bond as storytellers and creators. Your success does not need to come at the expense of someone else's failure. There is enough of the pie for all of us. And when we lift one another up we ultimately do the same for our self.

Be good. Do good. Support one another.

Get Around Better

One of the best ways to improve at a craft is to get around someone who does it better. If you want to become a strong creative writer read the works of exceptional authors. 

If you want to improve your public speaking, study Martin Luther King, John and Bobby Kennedy, and Joel Osteen. 

Maybe you want to improve your relationship with your partner, look to someone who has a thriving relationship.

It's not about emulating someone else but allowing their energy to infuse you with a sense of confidence and belief that you too can make great strides if you put in the work like they did. (I assure you they did.)

Even better, the more you surround yourself with like-minded people who excel at something you want to do you'll gradually begin to cut yourself off from the toxic people and environments that don't support your vision.  

Get around better.

Protect Your Enthusiasm

In Greek, the word "enthusiasm" means to be filled with God. You don't you have to be religious, or even particularly spiritual to appreciate the notion of living with vigor, passion -- a sense of zeal.

But beware. Regardless of what path you embark on you will undoubtedly come across "enthusiasm bandits" -- people committed to stealing your spirit. They may even do so inadvertently or without knowing.

The trick is to protect your enthusiasm. You can do so by sharing your greatest dreams and aspirations with a community of like-minded folks who will support you. You needn't say a word to those who will scoff, snicker, or criticize. 

Another approach you can integrate is to regularly check in with your, "why." If your reasoning for pursuing your creative ambitions is so strong and embedded in the the DNA that makes you who you are, it will be more difficult to be ruffled when someone doesn't support your dream.

Protect your spirit as best you can. You'll need it.

Support Storytellers

Every once in a while a film comes out that we're all told we must see. As people, we have an innate drive to conform to our societies to ensure we don't ostracize ourselves. In fact, our survival once hinged on our ability to adapt to our communities.

Whether or not telling moviegoers they must see this film is rooted in a fear of missing out, some stories are broader in scope. They are there to remind us we are human and that we're all connected through the human condition. More importantly, stories tell us we're not alone in our fears, ambitions, and feelings. I believe we go to the theater to see a piece of ourselves.

Last night, I strolled past an old movie theater preparing for its 100 year anniversary. It was the same theater my father once took me to see,  Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

On this particular evening the bright marquee read, Moonlight. Moonlight is a coming-of-age story dealing with the dysfunctional home life of a young man during the "War on Drugs" in 1980s Miami. As of late, the film has been much lauded receiving a great deal of critical acclaim. And rightfully so in my book.

Yet, what struck me even more than the film was something one if its stars said during a Q & A. Janelle Monae, who is known more for her achievements as a recording artist, makes her Hollywood debut in a beautifully authentic and earnest performance. She reminded me that storytellers have the capacity to do remarkable things. Even if we don't realize it.

"I know and I hope and pray that some young boy struggling with his sexual identity, or some girl struggling with her sexual identity, will watch it — and maybe when they came in felt alone, but when they leave they feel less alone. They feel like they see themselves, like their story is highlighted and they’re not an outcast or “the other” anymore."

Support Storytellers.

Provide Support

The other night I went to see a good friend perform in a play. "I probably can't get you comps though," she warned me. "That's okay," I said. I knew all too well how difficult it could be to get a hold of some free theater tickets.

Two weeks later I showed up as promised. After the performance, which my friend was terrific in, she insisted we meet up. I told her how great she'd been, asked questions about her experience working on the production, and her thoughts on the play's challenging themes.

She beamed as we sipped our teas in the corner of a popular college coffee shop before we bid each other farewell and headed home.

I realized a week later that just the simple act of attending her play had meant a great deal to her. It not only showed that I cared, but validated what she was doing as an artist mattered - that her voice was heard.

Take the time to support a friend's play, reading, exhibition, gallery, film, concert, or screenplay. It'll mean more than you think.