Striving Towards Our Goals Should be Inclusive

Rather of looking at people as problems we can look at them as opportunities to build community. The most fulfilling part of working towards any meaningful endeavor are the transformational relationships we forge. When we lift each other up rather than leave them behind, attainment of our goals becomes about creating impact instead of self-importance -- about becoming more instead of just gaining more. 

Constructive Confrontation

In Andrew S. Grove's book, Only the Paranoid Survive he reveals how he navigated Intel, the semiconductor manufacturing company through a massive change in the industry. One of the many ideas in his book that struck me was the concept of "constructive confrontation." He says the following:

We became good at solving problems. We became highly focused on tangible results (our word for it is "output"). And from all the early bickering, we developed a style of ferociously arguing with one another while remaining friends.

Many people thrive on confrontation but I would venture to say most avoid it like the plague. We're wired for survival which is dependent on our ability to thrive in a community. And when we rock the boat it's less likely that we'll be asked to stick around.

But over the years I've seen my relationships deepen and evolve because we did risk speaking or minds instead of simply going along to get along. In fact, I've grown to respect people I already admired a great deal for doing so even though I may not have agreed with a single word they said. I respected their need to be heard but more importantly understood.

I'm learning more and more the value of "going to the fear." It's the notion that because something is difficult or feels scary it's not only worth doing but probably something you can't afford not to.

Speak your mind thoughtfully, constructively, and politely and there's a good chance all parties will be the better for it. 

Your Life Wasn't Meant to Be Lived in a Bubble

The other day I was speaking to a good friend of mine who'd been working nonstop to launch an APP she'd developed. A few months back we started a little informal Master Mind group where a group of us meet weekly to discuss our goals. "I'm so glad we're doing this," she told me. "It just forces me to drop everything, close my laptop, and get outside to see actual people."

Her comment got me thinking. I'm all for being extremely driven and putting in the hard work necessary to see our aspirations realized. But if we're not careful I think it can come at a great cost. I often talk about how fiercely competitive I was at graduate school. I'd arrive at the theater at 5:30 am in the morning and had to be the first to sign my name on the check-in sheet. I made great strides in developing my craft as an actor but it came at the expense of pushing away some people who really cared for me. I often chose competition over community and solitude over camaraderie. 

Looking back, I wish I understood what I do now: Life is not meant to be lived in a bubble. It's about relationships, community, connection, and coming up for air every once in a while. It's a constant juggling act, but it's crucial we unplug every now and then and just be around other like-minded people who make us feel good. Otherwise what's the point of it all? 

My hunch is getting to the top won't be fulfilling if you get there alone. 

Don't Forget the Love

This morning for my monthly, To the Prospective Artist podcast, I had the great fortune of speaking with actor couple, Sarah Stephens and Vandit Bhatt. Not only are the two of them terrific actors but they've been together for nearly 8 years.  

I had them on the show because there is prevalent theme among the actor community, particularly among young male actors, that relationships will inhibit one's ability to thrive. Admittedly, I too fell into this trap.

As I get older, I recognize it's the opposite. Being with the right person can be an unfair advantage. Goals become collective and the sense of community you build with a partner stretches you beyond what you thought capable on your own. 

Many of these themes were beautifully articulated on this morning's show and I hope you check it out:

https://soundcloud.com/hy9btjy0cxsu

As Vandit said as we wrapped the episode, "Don't forget the love."

What Fishing with a WWII Vet Taught Me

I can’t remember who organized a fishing trip with Noonie and me one summer afternoon. I was just a few years out of college and hadn’t really spoken to our old neighbors since my family had moved. Yet, here we were out on the reservoir fishing together.

To say Noonie was a man of few words would be a profound understatement. Like many men of his generation, he spoke only when he had something worth saying. Something I've grown to appreciate as I get older.

                 

As the two of us sat in the boat I noticed Noonie gazing out on the calm surface of the water. It was peaceful and I felt lucky to be spending time with someone whose example I had grown to admire. 

Unexpectedly, he broke the silence and started talking about his time in the Navy during World War II.  “We were so young. We didn’t know what was going to happen. It was scary at times. I hated most of it to be honest. But you know, it’s funny, I look back now and it was probably the best time of my life.” Then he drifted off and didn’t say another word for the rest of the day.

I realized two things that day. First, life is about relationships. Knowing you have a support system that will listen to your concerns, understand your doubts, and lend a hand when you’re in need is always important.

And second, someday we may regret the moments we spent so much time trying to speed through. It’s easy to enjoy the ups, be grateful the downs have passed, but most of living is in the middle. It takes a little more effort, but since we spend so much time there, it’s well worth learning to appreciate.

It's the Little Things

Last night I went home to visit my dad who'd just returned from a long trip. I hadn't seen him for 6 weeks and could tell he was happy to see me.  

As we get older our lives get busier, our priorities change, and sometimes important relationships get overlooked. It is for precisely these reasons why making a little extra effort can have such a profound influence.

It may be handwriting a letter instead of sending an email. Calling to check on someone instead of texting. Putting in another hour of rehearsal, or driving a few miles out of your way to check on a loved one.

You may not realize it, but the quality of your attention can have enormous value.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Artists

Ever felt like there's a hierarchy on careers? A close friend of mine seems almost consumed by which professions are important and those that aren't. Traditionally admired paths like doctor, or engineer get a 5 star rating in his assessment, but less conventional callings rank lower.

Still, it all comes down to the value you attribute to what you do. If a physician saves a life isn't it then about what that life goes on to do? How he or she influences the community, forges relationships, and leaves a legacy? Don't teachers, artists, and actors have the same capacity? Perhaps we don't save lives in the conventional sense, but maybe we lift a spirit, offer a little hope. Who's to say this isn't an equally worthwhile pursuit?

In his memoir, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami says the following: 

"Even if, seen from the outside, or from some higher vantage point, this sort of life looks pointless or futile, or even extremely inefficient, it doesn't bother me. Maybe it's some pointless act like, as I've said before, pouring water into an old pan that has a hole in the bottom, but at least the effort you put into it remains. Whether it's good for anything or not, cool or totally uncool, in the final analysis what's most important is what you can't see but can feel in your heart." 

If it's important to you it's important enough.

Find Someone Who Only Believes in Possibility

If you're ever in need of inspiration get around someone young. I recently started working with a 22-year old actor from Los Angeles who has infused a new sense of energy into, To the Prospective Artist movement.

His excitement and enthusiasm for the mission to help actors and artists live bold lives "off-stage, full of new experiences, relationships, and people has been a real inspiration to me.

There is just something about having everything out in front of you than can't be fabricated. There's a joy and belief that anything is possible that accompanies youth and though we can protect that sensibility as we get older, being around someone who only sees how an idea will thrive is pretty special.

A Word to the Actor

Fill your life with as many meaningful people, relationships, and experiences as possible. Each will serve you in unimaginable ways and infuse your work with a heightened sense of awareness and purpose. Remember to live a life and not just a career.

Rich relationships will also provide you an honest and reliable soundboard where you can get the feedback you may or may not want to hear, but may still need to make strides toward your goals.

Bring Your Own Weather

It's been absolutely pouring in my city the past few weeks. "I can't remember the last time I saw blue skies," I overheard someone say this morning. Strong currents of water race down each avenue, traffic is a mess, and the constant deluge has taken a slight bounce out of the step of people going to and fro. 

Yet, if I've learned anything it's that having the right mindset is crucial because it orchestrates our behavior, the quality of our relationships, and our fortitude. In the words of Peter Diamandis, founder of the X-Prize Foundation, "It eats everything else for lunch."

Wherever you are and whatever season, remember to bring your own weather with you.

Sharpen Your Intent

The other day I caught myself asking someone how they were doing and failing to hear their response. Instead, I plowed through continuing to talk about whatever was on my agenda, however trivial.

I realized that true listening is the gateway to a heightened sense of self-awareness. Listening with intention informs virtually everything we do.

Today, make the effort to sharpen your intent when interacting with others and see how it affects your communication and cultivates stronger relationships.

You may be surprised by what you discover.