What to Do When Your "Why" Gets Tested

Long ago, I discovered your “why” for doing anything will likely be tested, especially the longer you do it. It can happen for any number of reasons. For my friend, it was clear he’d evolved a great deal and what he valued in life had too. He was still working hard towards a dream that no longer lined up with the new self he’d spent years cultivating.

I had a similar experience years ago. For years when ambling through the aisles of my favorite bookstores (remember those?) I’d invariably find myself thumbing through books on Brando, Dean, and Stanislavsky.

Then, almost inexplicably, I found myself reaching for biographies on King, Kennedy, and Mandela. My outlook on the world was changing and as a result so were the ways I wanted to spend my time.

At first, I was filled with excitement about this transition in my life. It felt like a rebirth; an opportunity to learn something new about myself and how I might, in whatever infinitesimal way, contribute to the world.

But my new motivation was also accompanied by a sense of angst. I’d been on one path so long the thought of veering even slightly left or right scared me a great deal.

It wasn’t until I started to look outside myself that I stumbled on some type of clarity, however fleeting.

I found trying to somehow mitigate the troubles of others took my mind of my own. Being of service as a teacher, or volunteer re-awakened something within and illuminated what was most important in my life.

New experiences gave me the grace and courage to forge another path, while not completely abandoning the one I was on.

My interests could co-exist so long as I prioritized them based on the values and principles I felt were most important.

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The Value of Writing a Mission Statement

Years ago, someone suggested I write a personal mission statement. At the time, I didn’t see the value in describing my life’s mission. 

But as time went on I realized my reservations about writing a mission statement were more about my fears of confronting the truth -- that I hadn’t really thought about what my life’s purpose might be.

But the more I read, travelled, volunteered, and found ways to infuse my life with meaning, the more I began to appreciate the value of gathering those experiences and putting them to paper. I decided that my mission statement would be a collection of values, principles, and aspirations that I could refer back to whenever I needed a reminder of WHY I was doing what I was doing. 

I spent several years refining a declaration that was heavily influenced by the authors, speakers, and thinkers I most admired.

I suggest collecting your own ideas and creating a statement. It doesn’t have to be lengthy and you need not share it with a soul. 

It's just a little template for your to refer back to when that path ahead seems less clear or unchartered all together.

5 Things I Learned from Volunteering

I've been fortunate enough to teach in South Africa, build a home in Haiti, and prepare meals for hungry kids in Nepal.   

The people I met from all my travels became a compass steering me towards a life of purpose. 

In the process, I redefined what was important to me and tried to live in accordance with my core values.  

Along the way I discovered five things that have served me to this day:

• There will always be someone in the world worse off then you.
• Where ever you go there will always be people who need help. 
• Your quality of service to others informs the quality of your life.
• The human condition is the universal link that binds us together.  
• The only true and indispensable currency is love.  

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   What You Can Do
    
    Find ways you can be of service to someone else. Remember, it doesn't have to be on a grand scale. 

Perhaps you can tutor for an hour a week, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or teach someone a skill that you already possess.

    When we lift each other up attainment of our goals become much more about impact rather than self-importance. Service to others gives integrity to our ambition.

    It's about BECOMING more rather than simply gaining more.

Turn Your Pain into a Movement

In 1980, a 13-year old girl was killed by a drunk driver in Fair Oaks, California. The driver who hit Cari Lightner had recently been arrested for a previous DUI hit-and-run. He left the young girl's body at the scene.

Cari's mother, Candace Lightner, would go on to found Mothers Against Drunk Driving at her kitchen table. Her decision to turn her pain into a movement has changed our country forever.

Since MADD was started drunk driving deaths have been reduced by 50% and more than 370,000 lives have been saved. 

We're all going to experience ups and downs. Both will vary in intensity depending on the individual, but what applies to us all is our capacity to turn our grief into something productive.

We have a choice in how we show up and how we react to setbacks. Some of the greatest movements have been fueled by pain and loss. 

When we pour our efforts into something larger than ourselves we have found a sense of purpose. And having a mission can make you unstoppable.

We can shape lives, prevent similar tragedies or mistakes, start important dialogues, inspire others to do the same, and make sure our loss and pain wasn't in vain.

A Word to the Actor

Fill your life with as many meaningful people, relationships, and experiences as possible. Each will serve you in unimaginable ways and infuse your work with a heightened sense of awareness and purpose. Remember to live a life and not just a career.

Rich relationships will also provide you an honest and reliable soundboard where you can get the feedback you may or may not want to hear, but may still need to make strides toward your goals.

Start by Starting

Admittedly, it took me several years to figure out something that now seems profoundly simple about my acting career: I didn't need to wait for permission to create.

For years, I'd followed the perceived blueprint of many New York actors. I trained at a rigorous conservatory. I graduated and was signed by a great agent. And before I knew it, I was off to the races, auditioning for feature films, television, and commercials. I was living the dream. It was a truly exhilarating time in my young life.

Eventually, the auditions slowly tapered off, the realities of how challenging a career in the arts would be set in, and I began to question my purpose as an actor. I judged my credibility and success as an artist on the number of auditions I received and the length of my IMDB page.

Thankfully, close friends grew weary of my griping and rightly so. At first they nudged, then practically screamed, "Create your own work!" It took a few years, but I finally got the message.

Today, there are countless resources at our disposal to get you on your way. There are free screenwriting tools like Storywriter on Amazon and the feature film, Tangerine, shot entirely on an iPhone was nominated for an Academy Award. So don't wait for your friends to scream at you. You don't need permission to create. The world needs to hear your point of view now. Start by starting.