Never Again

Years ago I participated in a summer acting program called the Training Congress at A.C.T. in San Francisco. The 9-week course was an introduction to what a 3-year MFA program might look like.  

There were between 60 - 70 young actors divided up into groups noted by color. I was in the Red Group led by an American actor who'd flown in from Rome where he was living.

For weeks we studied voice, Shakespeare, and the Greeks. We critiqued one another's scenes, learned how to break down a scene, and got some helpful tips on auditioning. By the end, I was ready to start applying for the real deal.

On the last day of class I strolled up to my teacher as he wrapped up speaking to a classmate. I remember it clear as day as we stood on the roof of 30 Grant Street with a clear view of downtown San Francisco.

"I'm thinking of applying to MFA programs in the fall. Any advice?" I asked. He thought it over for what seemed like hours before saying, "You have to work a lot harder." I remember being both surprised and embarrassed by his observation. I felt my stomach tighten suddenly compelled to defend myself. But the truth was he was right.

From that point on I promised myself nobody would ever be able to say that to me again. And not just as an actor but in every arena of my life.

I grew to be comfortable with failure as long as I could comfortably walk away and say I'd given it absolutely everything I had. 

Since that day I've been able to say as much and it's made all the difference.

Dangerous Habit

One of the best ways to waste your time not only as an actor, but I suppose in general, is to compare yourself to others. Whether it's classmates, or famous actors that have you going on an IMDB binge to see what someone accomplished by the time they were your age, all roads are sure to lead to unhelpful destinations.

If you're currently in BFA, or MFA training programs, or just taking classes regularly, it's important to know some people will get a break right out the gates and some won't. The important thing is not to get caught up in what others are doing. Try and support your colleagues as best you can knowing there's enough pie for everyone. Your success doesn't need to come at the expense of someone else's failure.

You are only in competition with yourself. Your only job is to be better than you were yesterday. Not just as an artist but at life.

Fear Not

Within the span of about ten minutes, I spoke with two young actor friends who both reached out hoping to gain a shred of insight on the recent setbacks they'd experienced in New York and Los Angeles. There must be something about Sunday, I thought to myself. Unlike it's more festive and spirited younger brother Saturday, Sunday has always seemed to offer pause for thought, a bigger pool for deeper introspection. At least it always has for me.

On the surface, the two were wildly different in just about every way, including the places they chose to pursue their careers and hang their hats. Still, what they both shared, at least this afternoon, was a desire to talk about acting and purpose.

As I listened to Stephon, a recent MFA graduate, confess that he'd inexplicably felt no desire to perform in a Fringe show he'd auditioned for, I could feel the tension in his voice on the other end. It was a familiar tale that I'd not only heard before, but also experienced firsthand. Why did I go through all the trouble of becoming an actor if someday I'd no longer want to do this.

Aurora on the other hand was wrestling with figuring out the different nuances, valleys, and peaks Los Angeles offered that New York didn't. She eluded to being excited about the new opportunities but at times feeling rudderless and overwhelmed.

After speaking with each of them for about half an hour, I tried to convince them they were in good company. Regardless of one's endeavor, even the most productive and fulfilled people feel doubt from time to time about their careers. Just because you love something doesn't mean its meaning will not occasionally wane. "They key is to find other things that interest you, find other like-minded people, and whenever possible, volunteer. When you're serving others you don't have time to worry about your own challenges. Even better, it puts yours into context."

Each conversation ended on a high note and I was confident both would land on their feet and do remarkable things. Uncertainty is an essential component for growth. Actor or no actor.