Lessons from My Mom and Dad

In a few weeks one of my closest friends ties the knot. A few months back he asked me in a quiet coffee shop if I'd be his Best Man. "Of course," I told him. "I'd be honored."

Since that rainy morning, I've spent the last few months drafting a speech for his wedding night. It might sound a little extreme to take such measures to prep a 5 minute speech several months in advance, but I want to make sure I include all the wonderful qualities that make my friend such a good guy.

I've spent a great deal reflecting about our friendship and the man he's become. To watch someone you care about grow into a person of integrity, kindness, and respect is perhaps one of the most fulfilling joys of life. (he was once banned from a Mormon basketball league for cursing)

I've also thought about relationships and how much I admire his partnership with his soon to be wife. It reminds me in some ways of the relationship between my own parents. And if they can somehow emulate some of the patterns that have made their relationship so successful I'm convinced they'll do just fine. After all, I believe my mom and dad's marriage is the greatest love story ever told. 

Many years ago after I'd broken up with a girl I loved deeply but just wasn't mature enough to commit to fully I met up with my dad for dinner. He was in New York for business as he often was and asked if we could grab a bite to eat before he left the following day. We always met on Theater Row over on 46th Street. My dad loved the simple, no frills Italian restaurants that lined the street. He was also a big fan of the pre-fixed meal you could get for $25. (at least 10 years ago)

As we sat at our table on a rather slow night I told him my 3-year relationship had just ended. He paused before saying, "You know, as you get older in life, things like intimacy and appearance become less important. What matters is the friendship you have with someone. And your mother has always been my best friend," he told me. 

After nearly 40 years of marriage my parents are still together and happily so. But to be fair, they have never denied their partnership has required immensely hard work, sacrifice, and overcoming challenges. Still, as far as I can tell what makes their relationship work so well is mastering the simple things:

-- They laugh together. A LOT.
-- They still hold hands.
-- They listen to one another.
-- They agree to disagree.
-- They sit in silence with one another
-- They go for walks together.
-- They give each other space and allow each to do their own thing.
-- They travel together.
-- They communicate.
-- They have perspective.
-- They're honest with themselves and as a result with each other.
-- They don't hide anything.
-- They recognize that life is short and there's not time to waste.

Watching them has been a Masters Class not only in how to make a relationship thrive but how to treat another human being.