Don't Judge

“Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.”

— Carl Jung

Every week, I hop in my car and make the 30-minute drive to a city named after the more famous version of its namesake nestled somewhere between New York and Ohio.

And though the towns are separated by nearly 3,000 miles, both cities bear a striking resemblance when it comes to their values.

Hard work and grit are the currency in these parts.

My first day at the college was met by nervous jitters, uncertainty, and if I’m honest, some preconceived ideas about my students.

But it only took me a few minutes to realize, opportunity, not intellect, is often the culprit of immobility.

Hard work and grit are the currency in these parts.

My first day at the college was met by nervous jitters, uncertainty, and if I’m honest, some preconceived ideas about my students.

But it only took me a few minutes to realize, opportunity, not intellect, is often the culprit of immobility.

That knowledge alone altered any mental hierarchy I may have mistakenly been clinging to.

3 Lessons Our Ancestors Can Teach us About Grit

100 million Americans can trace their roots to Ellis Island.

Including me.

My father’s grandparents arrived from Sicily and Calabria just a few years into the start of the 20th century.

Like many before and many after, they brought with them lofty dreams, ambitions, but mostly a desire to give their children a better life.

As a boy, whenever I failed to appreciate all I had, my folks would remind me of the great sacrifices made by those before.

I’d nod my head and promise to shape up, pretending I had some semblance of what they were talking about.

I didn’t.

How could I?

The struggles of our predecessors were on a COMPLETELY different plain.

— At the turn of the 20th century, life expectancy hovered around 49.

— Diseases and epidemics of the early 1900s included a smörgåsbord of ailments including cholera, small pox, and and typhus.

— And upon arriving in New York City, one had to navigate their way through a very strange land, while quickly securing work, and avoiding the scores of conmen trying to swindle vulnerable new settlers.

To put it plainly, life was hard.

In a time where survival no longer depends on leaving the comfort of our homes, it’s easy to lose perspective on the sacrifices that ushered in that very progress.

But by taking a look at the past, our forefathers can teach us a thing or two about the importance of cultivating grit.

Here are a 3 lessons my great-grandparents taught me about tightening my belt and moving forward.

If you’re unhappy with your life, have the courage to change something about it

“Being requires becoming.”

Int he late 19th century, Italy experienced calamity of almost biblical proportions. In Calabria and Sicily bread riots broke out in 1880.

Earthquakes, drought, landslides, excessive heat, and a plant lice calledphylloxera wiped out most of the wine industry that many Italians depended on for their livelihood.

Between 1884 and 1887 there was a cholera epidemic that killed fifty-five thousand people.

These were just some of the factors that led nearly 5.3 million Italians to leave for America by the end of the 19th century.

Simply put, they’d had enough.

As a result, they rented horse drawn-carts or walked, carrying everything they owned to the seaports of Naples and Genoa.

They left with hope but also heavy hearts. Many knew it would be the last time they ever saw their families again.

The trip across the Atlantic took two to three weeks, demanding an unbreakable spirit and equally durable stomach.

Narrow corridors, poor ventilation, low-ceilings, and crowded spaces were expected parts of the journey.

Still, they forged on.

They understood that vision without action was delusion and that meaningful change and progress was only possible if they started from a place of truth.

Their circumstances needed to changed.

They fixed what they could, consulted their unhappiness, and knew what they did today would influence tomorrow.

Just begin

“It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” — J.R.R. Tolkien

Upon arriving at Ellis Island, immigrants were exhausted physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Assuming they survived the worst of the journey, travelers were then surrounded by men sporting military-looking uniforms for an eye inspection.

One of the most common reasons immigrants were barred from entering the United States was because of a contagious eye disease called, trachoma.

If you failed the exam, you were sent right back home.

Needless to say, this was not only heart-breaking but tore many families apart.

Medical examiners also placed large chalk marks on the weary travelers who appeared to have a disability or unchecked ailment.

There was then a verbal examination, which preceded the fate of thousands of immigrants as they waited anxiously in the Great Hall.

If you were able to pass all the necessary requirements you then walked down a narrow corridor towards a door, which had a sign that simply read:

Push. To New York.

So, what did they do?

They pushed.

They had to.

Today, too many people live with untapped potential, unrealized dreams, and abandon the belief they have value to offer the world.

Why?

They claim they don’t know where to start.

But if our forefathers had believed the same, you wouldn’t be reading this.

Instead, they took chances amidst the ambiguity and chaos of their new world.

— They settled in urban areas

— They worked in construction

— They worked as ditch-diggers

— They built roads

— They laid cable

— They started families

— They learned to avoid swindlers

— They toughened up

— They wised up

They figured it out because they got started.

3. Don’t Settle

“Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” — Angela Duckworth

Life didn’t magically improve once the new settlers arrived in America.

Far from it.

At the start of the 20th century, the Lower East Side of New York City had nearly 300,000 people living per square mile.

In “Mulberry Bend,” the worst slum in the city, there were 1,200 people living in one block of tenements.

It was common for up to ten people to be living in a single room.

Places like Hell’s Kitchen where my grandfather was from, were tough neighborhoods where street gangs and crime were rampant.

Ramshackle houses in the Lower East Side were literally known as “Dens of Death,” because of the unsanitary living conditions.

This was a place where the sun literally never shined.

But despite these enormous challenges, most immigrants pulled themselves together and moved out within a year.

How?

They didn’t leave their homes, travel 4,000 miles across a choppy Atlantic, and sacrifice everything they had just to settle.

In other words, they didn’t come this far just to come this far.

Instead, the immigrants relied on one another.

— They sought family support.

— They chose work, regardless of how menial, over charity.

— And if they couldn’t secure work, they sold rags or just about anything they could find on the streets.

Once again, they found a way.

As a result, many Italians were able to upgrade to better living conditions in places like south Brooklyn, Greenwich Village, Harlem, and even places as faraway as California.

My great-grandparents, like many of yours, understood the greatest impediment to succeeding was complacency and taking false comfort in the notion that life had no more to offer.

They did work that was uncelebrated, worked collectively to make their circumstances better, and ultimately rose to what they were capable of.

The Power of Praising Process Instead of Intelligence

Self-Esteem

Professor of Psychology at Stanford and author of the transformational book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, notes the following about self-esteem:

"Self esteem is not something you give to people by telling them about their high intelligence. It is something we equip them to get for themselves by teaching them to value learning over the appearance of smartness, to relish challenge and effort, and to use errors to routes of mastery." 

Dweck's point is that too many of us put far too high a premium on the importance of appearing intelligent. We take it personally when our intuition is challenged and as result many destructive byproducts can ensue: 

1. We become isolated

2. We cling to bad ideas 

3. We overlook the importance of collaboration and vulnerability

Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset

Feeling inadequate, especially intellectually, triggers a reaction. But the good news is if you have a growth mindset you run to challenges, while those with a fixed mindset flee from them. Even worse, we seek someone we deem to be better than in order to boost our own self-esteem. Dweck notes how this wasn't always the case: 

"We invented as a western modern culture the idea of stupid. Stupid did not exist in the wild. You learned your skills, they worked or they didn't work before you made the appropriate corrections. We invented the idea of intelligence that gets measured by your success and failures." 

Advice for the Little Ones

Dweck has also done extensive work with children. She teaches parents to focus less on praising intellect and more on the process. Specifically, the following:

1. Hard work

2. Focus

3. Persistence

As a result of this conditioning a child begins to develop a Growth Mindset encouraging them to love challenges rather than be thwarted by them. It also helps them react better to setbacks.

A recent study tracking the mothers of 1, 2, and 3-year olds also revealed the more mothers praised process the more likely the child was to have a growth mindset and desire for challenge 5 years later.

The takeaway is if you're willing to put in the work it's never too late to go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. 

If You Can Do It For Joy You Can Do It Forever

In Stephen King's book, On Writing he talks about something we've all heard as artists before: never do it for the dough. 

It's probably a safe bet most of us don't rehearse for hours in drab black box theaters or wake up at that ungodly hour to polish off a screenplay because we think it'll make us rich. Of course, if money, fame, and acclaim come as a byproducts of passion and hard, hard work there's nothing wrong with that as far as I can see. It just can't be the focal point. Why? It's not sustainable.

King's point is our job as storytellers is to bring joy and value to others. By being vulnerable with our pens, voices, and bodies we can lift others up through compelling and bold narrative. 

Do it for the joy -- the UNBRIDLED joy of saying something you simply can't keep to yourself. 

If you can do that, you can do it forever.    

Fine Tuning

Change is inevitable, but progress is not. Sooner or later everything changes. Your body starts to tells you what it can no longer do, new neighbors move in, and children grow up. 

But adaptability is a choice to evolve with those changes. In the process of that change, it’s important to confront some difficult questions: 

Am I looking for solutions to modern day challenges? Am I staying open to new possibilities, or am holding on to a method that is now obsolete? 

Having grit, passion, and hard work is certainly a necessity for any endeavor worth achieving. But it doesn't mean a little fine-tuning on our strategies from time to time would hurt.

Hope Is Not Enough

It's great to incorporate affirmations and positive thinking into your daily approach to life. We could all probably use a little more inspiration.

But it's also important to recognize that hope simply isn't enough. It must be integrated with a grounded and well-thought out strategy for reaching your goals.

And of course, there is no substitute for hard hard work. All the uplifting declarations you make to yourself don't work unless you do.  

One

Everyone can agree pursuing a career in the entertainment industry is incredibly challenging. It is perhaps the least meritocratic line of work on the planet. In so many other professional endeavors hard work, expertise, and kindness will eventually offer the opportunity to advance. That formula is less flexible when it comes to being an actor.

Still, I've tried to nudge my actor and artist friends to empower themselves in the few ways they can: 

-- by creating their own work and thus opportunities

-- building a community of like-minded artists

-- and defining success on your own terms.

Understandably, there are other hurdles to getting a serious look from industry movers and shakers. As Viola Davis recently noted in an award acceptance speech, "The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity. You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there.” 

I've had my own hurdles as an actor of color. This certainly doesn't make me unique as many of my talented and hardworking friends have to.

But, I've observed that each group that feels marginalized or underrepresented in the entertainment industry speaks up passionately for their own cause. And understandably so. We tend to talk about what we know and directly affects us. It's human nature.

But what if instead of an Asian American actor advocating solely for his own opportunities he spoke up equally loud for more female filmmakers? Or if female filmmakers voiced their concerns with how Arab Americans are so frequently misrepresented in film and media.

Can you imagine the influence we could have if we all stuck up for one another? The movement to make an "unfair" industry "equally unfair" would be less fragmented, easier to mobilize, and create unbreakable bonds in the process.

And if it could work in the entertainment industry the possibilities beyond a film set would be limitless.