The Power of Praising Process Instead of Intelligence

Self-Esteem

Professor of Psychology at Stanford and author of the transformational book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, notes the following about self-esteem:

"Self esteem is not something you give to people by telling them about their high intelligence. It is something we equip them to get for themselves by teaching them to value learning over the appearance of smartness, to relish challenge and effort, and to use errors to routes of mastery." 

Dweck's point is that too many of us put far too high a premium on the importance of appearing intelligent. We take it personally when our intuition is challenged and as result many destructive byproducts can ensue: 

1. We become isolated

2. We cling to bad ideas 

3. We overlook the importance of collaboration and vulnerability

Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset

Feeling inadequate, especially intellectually, triggers a reaction. But the good news is if you have a growth mindset you run to challenges, while those with a fixed mindset flee from them. Even worse, we seek someone we deem to be better than in order to boost our own self-esteem. Dweck notes how this wasn't always the case: 

"We invented as a western modern culture the idea of stupid. Stupid did not exist in the wild. You learned your skills, they worked or they didn't work before you made the appropriate corrections. We invented the idea of intelligence that gets measured by your success and failures." 

Advice for the Little Ones

Dweck has also done extensive work with children. She teaches parents to focus less on praising intellect and more on the process. Specifically, the following:

1. Hard work

2. Focus

3. Persistence

As a result of this conditioning a child begins to develop a Growth Mindset encouraging them to love challenges rather than be thwarted by them. It also helps them react better to setbacks.

A recent study tracking the mothers of 1, 2, and 3-year olds also revealed the more mothers praised process the more likely the child was to have a growth mindset and desire for challenge 5 years later.

The takeaway is if you're willing to put in the work it's never too late to go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. 

A Smarter Kind of Self-Talk

A friend recently sent me an interesting study called, To Sell is Human. The piece delves into the science, ethics, and psychology of selling our services and how it's evolved over time. 

file:///Users/nickmaccarone/Downloads/To%20Sell%20is%20Human.pdf

One point in particular really resonated with me. It had to do with the different types of self-talk we can implement into our daily lives. As a young drama student, I’d arrive at the theater each morning at 5:30 am. For 10 blocks I’d pound my chest with clenched fists roaring, “Come on! You either want it or you don’t!” It was a way of amping myself up before class started.

But the study reveals there may be a more constructive way to talk to ourselves. It's called, "Interrogative Self-Talk." In fact, those who used this technique out performed those who relied on the "juice me up" style of self-talk by more than 50%. The reasons may surprise you.

First, when we ask ourselves a question we are forced to provide the answer. And often times within those answers are actionable steps we can take to carry out the task at hand. What a novel idea, right? Asking yourself a question where you then must come up with an answer has a greater influence on you than simply convincing yourself how great you are. 

I'm a great proponent of affirmations but the study also reveals one of the problems with them is you don't come up with strategies to get you closer to where you want to be. So if affirmations are your thing, no need to get rid of them. Just make sure you sprinkle in some interrogative self-talk as well.

Finally, interrogative self-talk also encourages you to consider the intrinsically motivated reasons you have for striving towards your goals. We're more compelled to take action when our "why" is driven from within, or "when the motivations come from intrinsic choices rather than extrinsic pressure."