The Power of Praising Process Instead of Intelligence

Self-Esteem

Professor of Psychology at Stanford and author of the transformational book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, notes the following about self-esteem:

"Self esteem is not something you give to people by telling them about their high intelligence. It is something we equip them to get for themselves by teaching them to value learning over the appearance of smartness, to relish challenge and effort, and to use errors to routes of mastery." 

Dweck's point is that too many of us put far too high a premium on the importance of appearing intelligent. We take it personally when our intuition is challenged and as result many destructive byproducts can ensue: 

1. We become isolated

2. We cling to bad ideas 

3. We overlook the importance of collaboration and vulnerability

Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset

Feeling inadequate, especially intellectually, triggers a reaction. But the good news is if you have a growth mindset you run to challenges, while those with a fixed mindset flee from them. Even worse, we seek someone we deem to be better than in order to boost our own self-esteem. Dweck notes how this wasn't always the case: 

"We invented as a western modern culture the idea of stupid. Stupid did not exist in the wild. You learned your skills, they worked or they didn't work before you made the appropriate corrections. We invented the idea of intelligence that gets measured by your success and failures." 

Advice for the Little Ones

Dweck has also done extensive work with children. She teaches parents to focus less on praising intellect and more on the process. Specifically, the following:

1. Hard work

2. Focus

3. Persistence

As a result of this conditioning a child begins to develop a Growth Mindset encouraging them to love challenges rather than be thwarted by them. It also helps them react better to setbacks.

A recent study tracking the mothers of 1, 2, and 3-year olds also revealed the more mothers praised process the more likely the child was to have a growth mindset and desire for challenge 5 years later.

The takeaway is if you're willing to put in the work it's never too late to go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.