The Quality of Our Listening

Matt Damon was once asked how important it is to listen as an actor. “Listening is everything,” he said. Geraldine Page once noted, “If we could only listen on stage like the animals in the forests do – as though our lives depended on it.” And finally, Stephen Covey, famed author of The 7 Habit of Highly Effective People once observed “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."

I’m convinced a great deal of miscommunication begins with the quality of  our listening. Whether the cashier at your favorite coffee shop asks you, “Hot or cold and what size?” after you’ve clearly relayed you want a medium hot tea, or divides widen on more polarizing issues like gun control or immigration when a consensus may be closer than one believes overshadowed by taking a snippet of what one has said, and molding it into something completely different.

Listening matters. But heightened listening, whether on stage or not, with the intent to appreciate another’s point of view makes all the difference.

There is Courage in Vulnerability

There is a rather widespread and silly notion that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I would argue it is the opposite.

Asking someone for help is admitting to that you don't have all the answers. That you recognize your strengths and at the same time are a shrewd judge or your shortcomings. It reveals integrity, maturity, and a sense of self-awareness.

What's more, people are usually more than willing to lend a hand. In an interview, Steve Jobs once noted, "I've never found anybody who didn't want to help me when I've asked for help."

There is courage in vulnerability. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Protect Your Spirit at All Costs

As you progress through your career you will likely come to a crossroads. You may suddenly struggle to find the meaning of your work, or redefine your relationship to it, and discover even your values and what you want have changed. None of theses are bad things by the way. In fact, it's often a sign of growth.

But in the midst of transition can come a sense of a weariness, even apathy. Uncertainty can influence us in funny ways.

But whatever road you decide to take or career you may pivot away from, make sure you protect your spirit at all costs. Approach any new endeavor with the same eagerness and conviction you once had when first starting out. Remember the first time you stepped on stage, shot a film, or dotted the final "i" of your screenplay.

There's no telling exactly where this fervor will lead but chances are it will be good a place.

By All Means, Carry On

You will come across challenges at virtually every stage of creation:

- writer's block
- criticism from trusted colleagues or friends on your work
- getting someone to read your work in the first place
- raising the funds to see your film, play, or production come to life
- distribution
- finding a like-minded group of artists who share and believe in your vision

Because it is all so difficult, it is imperative you feel the work is personally meaningful and that by sharing it, you can make an impact in some small way.

Allow a deeply personal sense of purpose to be your compass. Remind yourself why you wanted to create in the first place.

Both will prove as helpful resources to draw from during those moments of adversity and doubt.

But by all means, carry on.

Don't Forget to Be a Person

Years ago I was taking an acting on-camera class with a popular instructor in New York. "Ever had the experience of prepping for an audition with a friend, or partner who isn't an actor?" he asked. "Doesn't it drive you crazy when you've been struggling to understand a scene and they come along and get it instantly?" The entire class nodded, taking solace in the fact we'd all felt the same way at one time or another.

"Do you want to know why that is?" he finally said. "It's because they're looking at the scene as a human being and not an actor."

It was true. I'd picked up some great tools in drama school, but in getting bogged down with "obstacles," and "objectives," and "high stakes," I'd lost the all important ability to use my imagination and simply ask myself, "What would I do in this situation?"

Hone your skills as an actor but don't forget to look at the work as a person.

Lost Credibility

This morning at about 5:00 am I took my brother to the airport. It was still dark when we left the house. The air was cold, the neighborhood silent, broken only by the quick and loud cries from our family German Shepherd as I quietly closed the front door.

About 5 minutes into our ride we were abruptly cut off by a large white van. The driver was trying to pass our car in the right lane so he could maneuver back into the fast lane past two slower moving cars.

Instantly, I flashed my high beams, sped up, and steered in front of him. My brother seemed surprised by my reaction. He knew there was nothing I worked harder on than myself - striving each day to become a person of greater integrity, poise, and judgement. "I guess you are like me, Dad, and Danny," he said.

I instantly went fishing for excuses. "Well, you know, it's because I felt defensive with my brother in the car." Or, "Sometimes you just have to let people know they can't get away with those kind of things." Afterwards, I even told him not to do what I'd just done. "Life's too short to get worked up over something so silly," I said.

The problem was I now had ZERO CREDIBILITY. I told him something and then did the exact opposite. When I returned home, I couldn't stop thinking about my error in judgement. I started to think of other times I'd failed to back my words with action. 

How many times had I told an actor friend not to take rejection personally but done so myself? Encouraged colleagues to create their own work by writing original plays, short films, or screenplays while I sat idle? Or nudged my artist friends to practice work-life balance, while neglecting friends and family by focusing solely on improving as an actor?

In the end, I was glad the incident had happened. It had given me a chance to regroup and get back in touch with the type of artist, actor, brother, and person I still hoped to be. I wrote my brother an apology a few hours later hoping he'd take to heart my closing sentiments.

Still, there's no excuse for my actions. I always try and set a good example for you and Danny and really failed you this morning. I hope you know to think before your actions and appreciate it's just not worth it. Life is too short to get into an altercation or get hurt over something so silly. 

I hope you'll accept my apology. It won't happen again.

Nick

Hopefully the next time we'll both practice what we preach.

Having Ideas is Not Unique

It's estimated that we have between 35 - 50 thoughts a minute. Needless to say, thoughts are not unique, not even good ones.

We probably all have a relative, friend, or colleague who's been pitching his or her idea for the next great screenplay, book, or film to us for years. You may have even silently concluded, I'd see that movie, or buy that book.

What IS unique is the ability to execute on those ideas. It's the quality that separates those who succeed and make meaningful creative contributions from those who simply go on talking about it wondering what might have been.

As, German philosopher Friedrich Engels once noted, "An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory."