It's My Problem, Not His

Last night I hopped on a plane for Lisbon, Portugal. I sat in the very last row as I watched passengers slowly file on to this packed flight. I heard Portuguese being spoken by the family sitting in front of me, reminding me of how much I loved the cadence and harmony of the language.

The gentlemen sitting beside me was an elderly man from the south. He was kind, sometimes abrupt, but mostly aloof during the 7-hour flight. I half-wondered if he knew where he was going and what he planned to do once we landed. "Is the voltage in Portugal 220?" I looked at him quizzically before telling him I had no idea and that it was perhaps the most interesting question I'd ever been asked.

He also asked a few times what language was being spoken over the PA system. "Portuguese," the woman beside him replied. I started to build this entire narrative of a person I didn't even know based on a few completely innocuous questions. Most weren't even directed to me. Yet, I foolishly pieced together a biography for this man. 

When I got off the plane and had a few minutes to collect myself I realized it was my problem, not his. His take on the world threatened my own and rather than be curious about our differences I silently tried to leverage mine by using judgment. It's not at all what community, understanding, compassion, or even travel are about -- not in the least. 

Next time, I'll make sure I do better.

Every Day Do One Thing for Your Art and One Thing for Your Business

I just finished a terrific online course taught by playwright, David Mamet. Mamet's prolific body of work includes plays like Glengarry Glen Ross, American Buffalo, Speed the Plow, and Race among many others.

I really appreciated Mamet's honesty and vulnerability when sharing lessons learned during his nearly 60-year career in show business. My favorite part of the series was when he discussed the importance of doing one thing a day for your art and one thing a day for your business. It's a poignant insight for those who want to make their living as a writer. 

His point is that you don't have to move mountains every day in either category. You just have to keep moving the needle along. If you're an actor for example, you can read a play, go exercise, support a friend in a reading. Just do something that keeps you in the game and moving forward.

The same goes for your business. Who can you reach out to today? Is it time for new headshots? Have you checked in with your manager recently? Whatever it is just be consistent in taking something type of action. 

In time, those little efforts compound and often lead to new opportunities.  

It's Easy to Criticize but How Are You Contributing?

I once had a friend who could convince me the world was going to pieces just by how he said hello. He always saw the downside of up and wondered why he couldn’t find his path in life. Each time I encouraged him to look at things in a more positive light he’d tell me, “I’m just being realistic.”

Over time, I didn’t like who I was becoming when we spent time together. I started talking badly about people I cared about, criticized just about anything under the sun, and strayed far from my core values in an attempt to placate him. Each time we parted ways I had an emotional deficit I needed to dig out of. Eventually, I had to limit our associations even though I cared about his well-being.

The truth is it’s easy to criticize. Today, you can hide behind an anonymous screen name and bully people bold enough to share their voice with the world. We can hurl insults at those whose belief system challenges our own, not realizing we sever the ties to community and a part of our own spirit in the process.

When you criticize more than you contribute, your credibility begins to erode and you forfeit the value you have to offer the world. What we need more of is compassion, vulnerability, and greater consciousness. As far as I can see, there are three meaningful actions we can take to make sure we lift others up instead of cutting them down.

1. Get involved

A few years after graduating from drama school, a funny thing started to happen. I found myself picking up The Economist instead of the Hollywood Reporter. I was suddenly fascinated by the world beyond the stage and curious how I could affect positive change in my community. I was also frustrated by the lack of unity and integrity I saw in our leadership.

So, instead of complaining I decided to volunteer with a New York City councillor I respected. I was by far the oldest intern she’d ever seen, often mistaken for a staff member. For four months I didn’t get a dime and every morning I received marching orders from someone nearly half my age. But by swapping my pride for an open mind I forged meaningful relationships, informed myself about my city government, and learned to appreciate how difficult a job being an elected official really is. I also realized that affecting change is rooted in action and not rhetoric. The more I knew the less inclined I felt to make stale criticisms and instead focus on the positive impact I could make.

2. Praise others

Before graduate school I spent a year working as a substitute teacher in the San Francisco Bay Area. The days were long and never easy. By the end of the school year I’d worked with kids of all backgrounds, age groups, and grade levels. I could tell instantly which students had never been told how important they were. No matter how long my assignment in a given school I made a conscious effort to tell the kids they were doing good work and that I was proud of them.

Watching how they’d light up from those simple words convinced me that praise, however seemingly inconsequential, can breathe life into a dormant spirit. A kind word or two can put an extra bounce in someone’s step, giving them the courage to put their best foot forward. And with action comes an awakening to one’s potential.

3. Seek a higher consciousness

Years ago, while taking a walk with a close friend, I started to share my frustration with my acting career. I told him I’d had a tough time getting a fair shake at parts I dreamed of playing because of the lack of opportunities for people of color. It wasn’t an issue he could personally identify with in the least, but he listened without any judgment. Instead of criticizing, he sought ways to understand. He taught me if we could all look within before speaking out, the world would change overnight.

Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s wrong. If empathy is the ability to understand another’s feelings, compassion is concern for another’s hardship, even if we’ve never shared the same experience.  

Taking Initiative Emboldens Other to Do the Same

Several years back a close friend of mine decided to start a web series. She had no experience directing, writing, or producing but felt compelled to tell her story. Admittedly, I was a little skeptical at first. I didn't share her vision for the project but after a few months I was a believer.

I marveled at how she figured out how to book space for reasonable rates, surround herself with like-minded artists who believed in her project, and consistently create great content. Within the span of several weeks she'd become a three dimensional storyteller. She suddenly knew a little about a lot and wasn't at the mercy of anyone to get her voice out into the world.

Her example inspired me to do the same. In just 3 months I too wrote, produced, and acted in three short films of my own. In the summer of 2018 I hope to make my first feature. 

Taking bold action to make a dream a reality can be contagious. It emboldens others to do the same. And though the goal is not to emulate the exact trajectory of others, we can help awaken the potential in someone, or even ourselves when we've yet to realize how remarkable we can be. 

Raise Necessity

In one of the several books I've been praising lately, I've learned one of the strategies that separates high achievers from everyone else is raising necessity. World class athletes to successful executives understand the power of following through on an objective for a higher calling -- for someone or something other than themselves. 

Whether it's an Olympian who strives for greatness for his or her country, the father who sees a project through long before its deadline to spend more time with his family, or the busy executive showing up to the gym at 5:00 am because she doesn't want to let down her trainer, there is extraordinary power in looking beyond your own needs when it comes to achievement. 

Raising necessity means building the community of folks who have something at stake if you don't honor your word. It's not about placing unrealistic expectations or pressure on yourself but about a heightened sense of accountability. 

If You Chase Two Rabbits You Will Not Catch Either One -- Praise for the Book, "The One Thing"

A mentor recently passed along a book that has completely reframed the way I look at focus. It's called, The One Thing and I highly recommend it. 

I've found myself underlining, highlighting, doggy-earring the countless insights and strategies that seem so obvious yet rarely practiced. Here's a very brief rundown of my takeaways so far:

1. Level up your focus.

2. Not all things matter equally.

3. You have to create a domino effect in your life -- success begets success

4. Do the right thing and then the NEXT right thing.

5. When you improve the right skill your results improve. 

6. Find the ONE thing and LIVE it. 

7. Be aware of the "The 6 Lies Between You and Success."

-- Everything Matters Equally

-- Multitasking 

-- A Disciplined Life

-- Willpower is Always on Will-Call

-- A Balanced Life

-- Big is Bad

8. "When everything feels urgent and important, everything seems equal. We become active and busy, but this doesn't actually move us any closer to success." (My number one challenge!)

9. Success isn't a game of who does the most -- be aware of to-do's that masquerade as priorities.

10. You can think BIG and still go small -- busy vs. productive.

This book will be a revelation for a lot of actors and artists because you can't compare our industry with anything else in the world. It's an incredibly a solo and sometimes lonely endeavor, success can be nebulous, and opportunities rare.

As a result, we often cling to something that will make us feel as if though we're inching closer to our dreams without taking into account its actual usefulness. 

I know I've made countless "to-do lists" over the last 10 years that often gave the elusion I was being productive, while in actuality they were just keeping me busy. 

Pick up this book and figure out how to turn your "to-do list" into a "success list." 

Happy reading!

https://www.amazon.com/ONE-Thing-Surprisingly-Extraordinary-Results/dp/1885167776/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509656362&sr=8-1&keywords=the+one+thing

Lessons from a Hong Kong Airport

I've been to 45 countries, lived in several cities, and probably been on hundreds of planes. But for many years I was deathly afraid of flying. I just didn't let it stop me. I don't know exactly when that fear creeped up on me. I suppose it happened gradually as I got older. I started to question how an object weighing 370 tons could soar through the air at 500 mph. And rather than allowing myself to be led by curiosity I chose fear.

Then one day my mom told me something that completely reframed how I looked at flying. For years, she was a flight attendant for Cathay Pacific Airlines. She had some funny stories to share like the time an elderly woman attempted to open the emergency door during a flight. "What are you doing?" my mom asked. The woman looked at her and said, "I'm hot."

Because my mom was based in Hong Kong her flights departed and returned to Kai Tak Airport. With Hong Kong's countless skyscrapers and mountains just north of the runway stretching in to Victoria Harbor, landings were not for the faint of heart. It required a demanding type of focus and precision for the pilots. In other words, you couldn't really have an "off day" when landing in Hong Kong. 

All this to say my mom had developed a real sense of poise when it came to flying so when she saw that I would constantly get worked up over a little turbulence she said, "Just think of it like driving on a dirt road. There's just a few bumps along the way."

Those simple words put me at ease and I haven't looked back since. I still marvel at how malleable our minds are and how we have a choice in the way we process information. If we frame it in a way that is advantageous we can completely rethink and rewire how we approach our greatest fears, ambitions, and even our relationship to ourselves.