It's My Problem, Not His

Last night I hopped on a plane for Lisbon, Portugal. I sat in the very last row as I watched passengers slowly file on to this packed flight. I heard Portuguese being spoken by the family sitting in front of me, reminding me of how much I loved the cadence and harmony of the language.

The gentlemen sitting beside me was an elderly man from the south. He was kind, sometimes abrupt, but mostly aloof during the 7-hour flight. I half-wondered if he knew where he was going and what he planned to do once we landed. "Is the voltage in Portugal 220?" I looked at him quizzically before telling him I had no idea and that it was perhaps the most interesting question I'd ever been asked.

He also asked a few times what language was being spoken over the PA system. "Portuguese," the woman beside him replied. I started to build this entire narrative of a person I didn't even know based on a few completely innocuous questions. Most weren't even directed to me. Yet, I foolishly pieced together a biography for this man. 

When I got off the plane and had a few minutes to collect myself I realized it was my problem, not his. His take on the world threatened my own and rather than be curious about our differences I silently tried to leverage mine by using judgment. It's not at all what community, understanding, compassion, or even travel are about -- not in the least. 

Next time, I'll make sure I do better.

Contribute More than You Criticize

I once had a friend who made me think the sky was falling every time I saw him. He only saw the down side of up and whenever I'd suggest he be more positive he'd tell me, "I'm just being realistic."

Over time, I didn't like the way I felt about myself when I was around him. I strayed from my core values in an attempt to placate him and even talked badly about people I loved. In time, I had to limit our association.

The truth is it's easy to criticize. The constructs of social media have made it almost trendy to hide behind an anonymous screen name and hurl insults at people who have the courage to try things they don't. Those who have taken the high road understand we can contribute in 3 meaningful ways:

1. Getting involved.
2. Praising others.
3. Raising our consciousness

If you're not contributing more than you're criticizing your credibility erodes. We need more value, more compassion, and far greater vulnerability. 

Charity Vs.Generosity

In my TEDx Talk entitled, 6 Ways Actors and Artists Can Empower Themselves (available soon) I talked about the importance of service to others. Helping people help themselves gives integrity to your ambition and is a crash course on understanding the "Bigger Picture 101." But it's also important to appreciate that though a sense of charity and generosity are enormously important attributes there are differences.

Charity usually refers to the voluntary giving of aid, or money. It can be a real game-changer for a family, or person in need. There are a lot of terrific organizations you can donate to depending on where your passion lies. Making a monetary contribution is a very kind gesture with the potential to make a big impact.

Generosity is something else. It means you are giving yourself over to a person or cause greater than you can fully appreciate through your time, your energy, and spirit. This is quite possibly the greatest gift you can give anyone; the act of sharing the human condition without judgement, but with the broader objective of reminding someone they aren't alone.

And though you may not fully comprehend their suffering, you have enough compassion to try and mitigate it.

Kindness to Self

Hustle. Grind. Putting in the Work. These are some of the words and phrases that have become part of our contemporary narrative. In our quest to gain riches, start flourishing businesses, and inspire the masses we sometimes loose sight on the importance of being kind to ourselves.

During my grad school days I can remember walking to the theater during a chilly February mornings, sometimes at 5:30 am, thumping my chest while mumbling various mantras under my breath. I was usually able to tease out a little more energy, some motivation, however fleeting.
But looking back,  I failed to show myself enough compassion.

Work hard. Chase your dreams. Hold yourself to a high standard.

But remember to treat yourself the way you'd expect others to. You'll end up finding the work much more fulfilling, the journey far more gratifying.