What to Do When Struggling with Your "Why"

The other night I was talking to a good friend of mine back in New York. "Have you ever felt your motivation start to fade?" he asked. "Sure," I told him. "It happens."

What I've discovered is your "why" for doing what you do will be tested, especially the longer you do something. It can happen for any number of reasons. For my friend, it was clear he'd evolved a great deal as a person and the things he valued in life had changed. He was still working hard towards a dream that didn't completely line-up with his new self. 

Sometimes we also need to take the focus off our hustle and look outside ourselves. I found that being of service to others whether as a teacher, or volunteer re-awakened the things I love to do most in life. As much as I enjoyed teaching I realized there were other ways I could best be of service. And I only came to that realization by tinkering with different platforms and trying new things. New experiences may bring to light another path worth taking or restore the one you're already on.  

How Your Hustle Can Hurt You

Today, there is a prevailing theme of “hustle” being promoted in our culture. Social media is flooded with words like “grind,” and “crushing it.” As a young drama student, I’d arrive at the theater each morning at 5:30 am. For 10 blocks I’d pound my chest with clenched fists roaring, “Come on! You either want it or you don’t!” I was convinced with my dogged determination and work ethic it would only be a matter of time before I took Broadway by storm. And though there’s no substitute for a focused commitment towards our goals, I soon learned if we’re not clear on what we’re working to achieve, all the hustle in the world won’t mean a thing.

The trouble is, the grind is alluring. There’s nothing quite like the satisfaction you get from plopping down on the couch after a long day knowing you gave it everything you had. For years, nothing gave me greater joy than being the first to sign my name on the check-in sheet at Shapiro Theater. I made certain my name was written in big easy to read letters. I’d stake my claim before tiptoeing past a sleeping guard to avoid an argument, of which there were many. “Why do you need to be here so early?!” they’d ask. “I have work to do,” I’d say. But years later I overlooked the need to take personal inventory, making sure what I was working towards was still aligned with my core beliefs. I spent years bulldozing my way to a dream I once had in the hopes my old values would somehow be resuscitated back to life. I kept hustling because I was too scared to admit I no longer knew what I wanted.

A good hustle is admirable but it doesn’t always guarantee success. Like acting, entrepreneurship is such a fiercely competitive world if your vision and sense of purpose doesn’t have chest thumping clarity your grind won’t be sustainable. Over the years, I appeared on major television shows, booked commercials, performed in big regional theaters, and acted with theater gods as a Broadway casting reader. I was slowly making progress but I’d also lost a little bounce in my step. I longed for my school days and the sense of purpose I felt while training on the 16th floor of Riverside Church. And like that view of the Hudson, my dreams felt within reach but yet so far away.

By the time I’d hit my mid-30s something wasn’t sitting right. I could no longer just bury myself in the day-to-day grind and deny I’d lost my “why,” and perhaps a little of myself along the way. I was pushing really hard on a door that read, “Pull” to get into a building I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in anymore. My goals had changed because I had. My heart somehow knew it was being duped.

In my 12-year journey as an actor I discovered there are many rewards awaiting those who hustle, but clarity of purpose is not one of them. Blindly applying brute force may move you forward, but what good is it if you don’t know where you are, or why you’re there? Your vision must precede the grind. No amount of discipline or work ethic will persist unless your “why” stirs the ”how.”

But how does one quietly follow their “why,” while navigating through the deafening culture of hustle? First, you can choose to “flow” rather than “muscle” your way to the top. Consider a stream racing through a valley and how it never flattens the boulder in its way. Instead, it moves seamlessly above, around, or below its obstacle while still reaching its destination. There is still great momentum and effort being expended but in a way that incorporates that resistance as an integral part of the journey.

Second, the act of striving should be intentional. We can be fiercely honest with ourselves having the courage to question why we do what we do. With clarity comes an awakening to our potential and our actions have a remarkable way of organizing around our defined purpose.

Finally, “the hustle” can be inclusive. Instead of looking at people as problems we can look at them as opportunities to build community. The most fulfilling part of working towards any meaningful endeavor is through the transformational relationships we forge. When we lift each other up rather than leave them behind, attainment of our goals becomes about creating impact instead of self-importance.

So grind away my friends. Wake up at that ungodly hour, bid happy hour farewell, and tell Frank Underwood he’ll have to wait. You’ve got work to do. Just make sure you’re pushing on a door to get into the right building.

3 Reasons Why It's Never Too Late to Begin Meaningful Work

Today our culture has a very complicated relationship with time. There never seems to be enough of it. Additionally, we've almost arbitrarily decided that our goals must be attained by a certain timeline. When we fail to make the Forbes 30 Under 30 List we abandon them completely. But living a more responsible life doesn't mean living a small life. Here are 3 reasons why it's never too late to start work that matters:

1. Understanding that you have less time. Less time to strive means less time for frivolous work. If something isn't helping your grow, forge meaningful relationships, or personally fulfilling it's a good time to part ways.

2. Patience. "Hurry up and wait," was an expression I heard thrown around when I was a young actor. Young people often want something so bad they're willing to sidestep the journey. But as you get older in life you start to appreciate the value of the "long-game," and the importance of staying ready. Nothing worth attaining happens quickly. Getting older awakens you to that reality and even helps you appreciate it.

3. A smarter kind of hustle. Today there is undoubtedly a culture of "no days off" being heavily promoted. But working hard means nothing if you don't work smart. And working smart means taking time for self-care and realizing there are more important things in life than professional achievements. Becoming more is ultimately more important that achieving more. 

The Importance of Overlooking Information

Today there is a prevalent theme of "hustle" being promoted on just about every social media platform out there. Good luck avoiding a hashtag accompanied by the word, "grind." A culture of "no days off," has undoubtedly been popularized the last few years. And with the endless amount of free content available it's difficult to decide what may or may not be of value.

I certainly struggled over the years trying to figure out what podcast to listen to, seminar to sign up for, or the latest entrepreneurial book to pickup. I devoured information convinced I was a sentence, or quote away from forever having my life.

But what I discovered is your success actually hinges on your ability to overlook information not just consume it. Because if everything becomes important than nothing is important.

As counterintuitive as it sounds you have to cultivate the ability to focus in on content you think can help you, apply it, measure it, and then proceed based on those results. 

Wendell Kim

Growing up an Oakland A's fan I didn't pay a great deal of attention to what was going on across the Bay with the San Francisco Giants. Like many boys in my neighborhood I dreamed of one day playing for my home team and was over the moon when Oakland won the World Series in 1989 against none other than our local rivals.

Over time, one person who did get my attention from that team was a gentlemen named Wendell Kim. He was a professional baseball player, coach, and manager. In his 15 seasons Kim coached four Major League Baseball teams and was once a player himself. He played as an infielder in the minor leagues as well as three years of varsity college ball at California State Polytechnic University. Perhaps most remarkable, he stood just 5'5 inches tall and weighed about 160 pounds.

I never saw Wendell play professionally, but I do recall him coaching third base for the San Francisco Giants. It's a role that's far from glamorous, even thankless at times. Still, I couldn't take my eyes of him. Why? Because every single time he went to his position he ran as if being chased by a pack of crazed wolves. He HUSTLED. 

Conversely, there were players literally making millions of dollars to play a game I'd see "dog it out" to their positions. They almost seemed ambivalent at times. But NEVER Wendell. 

His hustle became so well-known that on occasion I'd even hear people cheer him on as he graced the field. His refusal to never "phone it in" left a profound affect on me. 

Wendell, passed away two years ago. He was only 64 years old. Thankfully, the example he left for a little boy who once dreamed of playing professional baseball still hasn't left. 

I suspect it never will.

Kindness to Self

Hustle. Grind. Putting in the Work. These are some of the words and phrases that have become part of our contemporary narrative. In our quest to gain riches, start flourishing businesses, and inspire the masses we sometimes loose sight on the importance of being kind to ourselves.

During my grad school days I can remember walking to the theater during a chilly February mornings, sometimes at 5:30 am, thumping my chest while mumbling various mantras under my breath. I was usually able to tease out a little more energy, some motivation, however fleeting.
But looking back,  I failed to show myself enough compassion.

Work hard. Chase your dreams. Hold yourself to a high standard.

But remember to treat yourself the way you'd expect others to. You'll end up finding the work much more fulfilling, the journey far more gratifying.