How to Flow Instead of Muscle to Your Goals

Just how do you “flow” rather that “muscle” to your goals? Think of a stream racing through a valley -- it never flattens the boulder in its way. Instead, it moves above, around, or below its obstacle while still reaching its destination. There is still great momentum and effort being expended but in a way that incorporates resistance as an integral part of the journey.

And flowing should be inclusive. Instead of looking at people as problems we can look at them as opportunities to build community. The most fulfilling part of working towards any meaningful project is through the transformational relationships we forge. When we lift each other up rather than leave them behind, attainment of our goals becomes about creating impact instead of self-importance. It becomes less about gaining more but about becoming more.

The 4 Truths of Creating Your Own Opportunities

As a young actor fresh out of drama school, I was convinced it would only be a matter of time before I took Broadway by storm. All I had to do was outhustle the competition. But it didn’t take long before I realized talent and hard work aren’t enough to thrive in this industry or any other. There are many variables beyond my control that can pull my focus from what I could actually leverage.

As I transitioned from actor to entrepreneur, I was surprised to discover the entertainment industry had prepared me for my new venture. Being an actor is not so different from running a business after all—the product just happens to be the artist. In time, I improved my ability to target what was within my power, leading to what I call the four truths of creating your own opportunities.

1. Take action.

For years I would wait for the phone to ring hoping the perfect part would fall into my lap. Eventually I realized that my story would never be told unless I wrote it. With action came an awakening to my potential.

I learned to storyboard and produce, and before I knew it, I’d become a three-dimensional storyteller. I now knew a little about a lot and wasn’t at the mercy of an industry to get my voice heard. By bulking up my skill set and taking action, I had become the captain of my ship rather than a passive tourist.

Taking initiative emboldened those around me to do the same. Together we built a community where we felt invested in one another’s success and held each other accountable to make something happen.

2. Build the right philosophy.

Before I went to college, my father told me there was no excuse for skipping class. “You can get a C just for showing up,” he said. His point was half of success in life comes from the quality of our presence.

After graduate school, I was just another struggling artist among the masses. The constant flux of emotion, of feeling I was so close to my breakthrough one minute and I should pack it all in the next, was exhausting. I often struggled to sustain the right philosophy when it came to pursuing my long-held dream.

Then, in the winter of 2010, I began working with an acting teacher who changed my life. His lessons transcended the stage and profoundly influenced the person I would become.

My mentor Andy was a storyteller just like me, but he had started late in the game. He auditioned steadily for 15 years before landing a series regular role on one of TV’s most popular shows. Instead of getting discouraged by his early setbacks, he chose to double down and improve his craft.

His example taught me that we get to choose how we show up in life and that the quality of our contributions begins with the quality of our energy. He never allowed his talent to collect dust, choosing instead to stay ready for whatever opportunities might come his way. Perhaps the most important lesson I took from him was the importance of always approaching life as if you’re just getting started.

3. Avoid toxic people.

Many years ago I was sitting in a busy coffee shop when a woman asked if she could sit in the empty chair opposite me. “Sure,” I said. After a few moments we struck up a conversation when she asked, “What do you do?” At that point, I was just a few months out of drama school and excited to share my profession with anyone who cared to know. “I’m an actor,” I beamed. She shot me a skeptical glance before falling into a cackling laugh. “How’s that working out for you?” she asked. I probably should have told her the seat was taken.

The point is it’s really easy to be cynical. Anybody can find reasons to complain or criticize. Choosing to focus on possibilities takes a unique type of courage. Your life is flying by. Don’t waste another second with people who refuse to get out of their own way and want to take you down with them.

In time, your life will begin to mirror the people you spend the most time with, so pick your brain trust wisely and share your ambitions with only with like-minded people who support your vision. We don’t have to share our dreams with everybody.

4. Find flow instead of building muscle.

Today our culture is bombarded with words like “grind” and “hustle.” I love the idea of encouraging hard work and personal accountability. But if we’re not clear on how to work hard, it can come at a great cost.

As a young acting student, I’d arrive at the theater each morning at 5:30 a.m. Nothing gave me greater delight than being the first to write my name on the sign-in sheet. I worked hard and reaped many rewards from my dogged determination. But it also came at a great cost. I chose competition over community, solitude over camaraderie, and though I was prosperous in improving my technique as an artist, I was bankrupt in the arenas of my life that really matter. Family, friends and service to others were playing supporting roles when they should have been the stars all along. I spent years pushing very hard on a door that read, “Pull.”

You must work incredibly hard toward your goals, but you can do so without having to “muscle” through life. We don’t have to bulldoze our way to the top. We can learn to flow like a stream racing through a valley. It moves quietly above, around or below its obstacles, reaching its destination by working in harmony with its surroundings.

When we work in unity with others who share our values and core principles, we reach our target together, while lifting one another up and having a lot more fun along the way. 

How Your Hustle Can Hurt You

Today, there is a prevailing theme of “hustle” being promoted in our culture. Social media is flooded with words like “grind,” and “crushing it.” As a young drama student, I’d arrive at the theater each morning at 5:30 am. For 10 blocks I’d pound my chest with clenched fists roaring, “Come on! You either want it or you don’t!” I was convinced with my dogged determination and work ethic it would only be a matter of time before I took Broadway by storm. And though there’s no substitute for a focused commitment towards our goals, I soon learned if we’re not clear on what we’re working to achieve, all the hustle in the world won’t mean a thing.

The trouble is, the grind is alluring. There’s nothing quite like the satisfaction you get from plopping down on the couch after a long day knowing you gave it everything you had. For years, nothing gave me greater joy than being the first to sign my name on the check-in sheet at Shapiro Theater. I made certain my name was written in big easy to read letters. I’d stake my claim before tiptoeing past a sleeping guard to avoid an argument, of which there were many. “Why do you need to be here so early?!” they’d ask. “I have work to do,” I’d say. But years later I overlooked the need to take personal inventory, making sure what I was working towards was still aligned with my core beliefs. I spent years bulldozing my way to a dream I once had in the hopes my old values would somehow be resuscitated back to life. I kept hustling because I was too scared to admit I no longer knew what I wanted.

A good hustle is admirable but it doesn’t always guarantee success. Like acting, entrepreneurship is such a fiercely competitive world if your vision and sense of purpose doesn’t have chest thumping clarity your grind won’t be sustainable. Over the years, I appeared on major television shows, booked commercials, performed in big regional theaters, and acted with theater gods as a Broadway casting reader. I was slowly making progress but I’d also lost a little bounce in my step. I longed for my school days and the sense of purpose I felt while training on the 16th floor of Riverside Church. And like that view of the Hudson, my dreams felt within reach but yet so far away.

By the time I’d hit my mid-30s something wasn’t sitting right. I could no longer just bury myself in the day-to-day grind and deny I’d lost my “why,” and perhaps a little of myself along the way. I was pushing really hard on a door that read, “Pull” to get into a building I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in anymore. My goals had changed because I had. My heart somehow knew it was being duped.

In my 12-year journey as an actor I discovered there are many rewards awaiting those who hustle, but clarity of purpose is not one of them. Blindly applying brute force may move you forward, but what good is it if you don’t know where you are, or why you’re there? Your vision must precede the grind. No amount of discipline or work ethic will persist unless your “why” stirs the ”how.”

But how does one quietly follow their “why,” while navigating through the deafening culture of hustle? First, you can choose to “flow” rather than “muscle” your way to the top. Consider a stream racing through a valley and how it never flattens the boulder in its way. Instead, it moves seamlessly above, around, or below its obstacle while still reaching its destination. There is still great momentum and effort being expended but in a way that incorporates that resistance as an integral part of the journey.

Second, the act of striving should be intentional. We can be fiercely honest with ourselves having the courage to question why we do what we do. With clarity comes an awakening to our potential and our actions have a remarkable way of organizing around our defined purpose.

Finally, “the hustle” can be inclusive. Instead of looking at people as problems we can look at them as opportunities to build community. The most fulfilling part of working towards any meaningful endeavor is through the transformational relationships we forge. When we lift each other up rather than leave them behind, attainment of our goals becomes about creating impact instead of self-importance.

So grind away my friends. Wake up at that ungodly hour, bid happy hour farewell, and tell Frank Underwood he’ll have to wait. You’ve got work to do. Just make sure you’re pushing on a door to get into the right building.

6 + 4

6 Ways Actors and Artists Can Empower Themselves:

1. Lifelong learning

2. Travel

3. Service to others

4. Define success on your own terms

5. Create your own opportunities 

6. Understand that dreams change

The 4 Truths of Creating Your Own Opportunities:

1. Don't wait -- Begin today

2. Adopt the right philosophy

3. Avoid toxic people / environments

4. Flow rather than muscle to your goals

Lessons from a Tokyo Convenient Store

I'm not the first say it, but Japan is a pretty remarkable place. The architecture, history, and way of living are incredibly unique. During my second visit to the country a few summers back, I visited Osaka Castle, an impressive fortress built over 350 years ago. I saw countless shrines. (Japan loves its shrines!) And perhaps most importantly, I connected with a dear friend one afternoon in Tokyo. My trip taught me that living simpler is often the path to a richer and more fulfilling life.

Strangely, many of my lessons about Japan came from a 600 square foot building known as Family Mart. Family Mart is essentially an improved version of 7-Eleven, but with three noteworthy differences. First, it has amazing snacks that are presumably healthier than those found in the aisles of say an AM/PM.  

Second, you can buy just about anything you need to live comfortably for the rest of your life. (Any place where I can buy a stapler, an umbrella, and a sandwich is okay by me.)

But what really stood out was the service. Regardless of the time of day (open 24 hours of course), the crowd, or weather, the employees of Family Mart were always extremely polite and professional. They greeted each customer with deliberate intention and energy.  Patience was always practiced and as a foreigner I never felt self-conscious about my inability to speak the language. 

I learned no matter what we do in life we ought to value it. When we do others are more likely to as well. I also took away the importance of being deliberate about our actions - to never "phone it in," no matter how tempting.

Finally, there was a perpetual sense of flow in every exchange. Everyone worked hard, but seamlessly. Rather than muscling their way through each action each employee embodied a sense of ease with their interactions and work ethic. As a result, there seemed to be a sense of community, however transient, among all that came and went.

Muscle vs. Flow

There is a podcast I absolutely love called the Bruce Lee podcast. It's available on iTunes and SoundCloud if you're interested:

https://soundcloud.com/brucelee

Each week Sharon and Shannon Lee (his daughter) share the lessons and philosophies of the legendary actor, philosopher, and martial artist Bruce Lee. One particular episode entitled, "Be a Nobody," really caught my attention. 

The hosts discussed this culture of "hustle," that is so prevalent in our society today. Check your Instagram, or Facebook page and it's strewn with images of our favorite celebrities screaming, working out, and emphasizing the importance of the "grind." 

I think many of the messages are inspiring and well-intentioned.They simply want people to take action and work toward their dreams, which is a very noble endeavor.

As someone who hustles toward his dreams, I've recently taken inventory of how exhausting it can me to "muscle" through everything. And I'm still not convinced more necessarily gets done by buying into this culture.

What about flow? The idea of moving in a direction with momentum and a sense of harmony. It absolutely does not mean you don't work hard, or won't face obstacles, but rather you have a greater sense of fluidity in your actions and thoughts. 

Think of a stream racing through a valley. Invariably, there will be a rock or boulder in it's way. The water doesn't stop and scream, "Move!" It simply goes above, around, or below. And it somehow does it all seamlessly, while still reaching it's destination. 

There is still great momentum, energy, and effort being expended but in a way that incorporates that resistance as merely part of the journey.

Today, ask yourself if you muscle or flow toward your goals. And how can you incorporate more harmony, fluidity, and exert the right type of energy to get closer to where you want to be.