What I Learned from the the Superhero Women of My Life

“Who can find a good woman? She is precious beyond all things.” — Proverbs 31:10

I’d like to tell you about three women who played very important roles in my life.

You won’t know their names.

They aren’t famous, or rich.

Their stories may not even seem especially unique.

But they all shaped my life in profoundly meaningful ways, imparting lessons I continue to live by each day.

Patty

She grew up one of 10 children in a large Irish American family. Half way between San Francisco and Los Angeles is a place called Paso Robles; a town I will forever think of as Patty’s.

She had an eternally youthful glow, was rarely seen without a smile, and was the mother of my best friend. By the time she passed away in 2001, she had left such an indelible mark in my young life I felt as if I’d lost my own mom.

I remember as a boy when she received the “Parent of the Year,” award from my elementary school. She was given an artist’s rendition of her single-handedly picking up all four of her children, yelling, “Dominic! Get in the car!”

She was both on canvas and real life a Superwoman.

Each day after school I’d burst into her house with my spiky moussed hair as if to say, “You’re welcome.” She never raised her voice when I stormed in looking for Dominic. Instead, she would ask how I was and always found time to listen no matter how busy she was.

She praised her children’s accomplishments and chose encouragement over condescension for the kids who needed a little extra help. And when my mom was trying to get her footing in a new country, while raising two boys with a husband who often travelled for work, Patty was one of the few who treated her like a sister.

Even the very last time I saw her as she was dying of cancer she wished me luck at school.

“I love you,” she said.

She knew in that moment as I did we’d never see each other again. She taught me grace, gratitude, and how to love people.

Imo

For most of my childhood I saw my aunt just once a year. So the thought of having her live with us my senior year of high school was very exciting. Little did I know how my aunt or “Imo,” would end up playing a profoundly influential role in the lives of my brothers and me.

She settled quickly into Bay Area life after saying goodbye to Atlanta, a place she lived for over 10 years. She spoke fondly of how former baseball great Hank Aaron would occasionally drop by her store, and beamed when she talked about her German shepherd.

Each morning my aunt would get up at 6:00 am and begin her morning walk on the trails near our house. At home, she supported my mom in every way. She cleaned, cooked, and often picked up my youngest brother from school. My folks, who were often out of town, relied on her to watch over the three of us and ensure we were taking care of our duties at home.

For over 20 years she was a “second mom.”

Looking back, never in all my life have I heard my aunt complain about any thing. I have never seen her put her own concerns before another, sometimes to a fault. And she is without a doubt the most selfless person I have ever met. There was never a time too early, a request too big, or a problem that seemed unsolvable. She was always ready to help her family, especially her three nephews.

There was a true artistry in watching Imo take care of three boys with very different interests and personalities. Still, she navigated each one of our young concerns without judgment. But when we messed up she let us know.

When we needed help she made herself available. And when we grew up and moved far from home, she continued to take an interest in our lives. Like Patty, her story is common but rarely shared.

Mom

My mom grew up one of six children and was born two and half years into the conflict known as the Korean War. She had two younger siblings and three older brothers and sisters.

When my mom was in her twenties, she jumped at an opportunity to see the world working as a flight attendant for the Hong Kong based airliner, Cathay Pacific.

Shortly after her arrival to the land known as the “Fragrant Harbor,” she was introduced to my dad through a mutual friend. Two years after my parents’ marriage, I was born. In the winter of 1981 the three of us moved to California. It would mark the first time both my mom and I had ever been to the United States.

Leaving her home for a new country could not have been easy. It took great courage to start over, and would mean leaving the comforts and familiarities of Korea behind. Yet, my mom’s seemingly seamless transition to American life was, and always will be, my greatest inspiration.

My mom faced many obstacles. My father travelled quite often when I was growing up. She was also still mastering the English language, often joking she learned a great deal from watching cartoons together.

Still, my mom never cowered in the face of adversity and eventually found ways to serve her new community.

My mother’s example taught me many lessons over the years. She always encouraged my brothers and I to make the best of whatever situation we faced.

When I was 12 years old and our family moved I was practically inconsolable, upset I had to leave my friends behind. But instead of letting her kids gripe, she insisted we make new friends in the neighborhood and embrace the changes as opportunities.

On the first day at my new junior high she didn’t walk me to the office or tell me where to go. She understood the value in letting me figure it out on my own. She was teaching me how to think for myself and take chances, even if it meant feeling a little uncomfortable.

And similar to many parents, she volunteered at her kids’ schools, drove to the moon and back for us, schlepping my brothers and me to baseball, basketball, and soccer practice.

She somehow also found the time to serve members of the Korean community in and around the East Bay of San Francisco. She even took night classes and received a Masters Degree in her mid-40s.

She was, and still is, my superhero.

My mom was trying to instill the importance of creating value for your community, whether you were a newcomer, or had known no other place. To her, it didn’t matter where you lived or what you did.

You still had a responsibility to be of service in whatever way you could. 

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