I admire your consistency. You always move on without telling me. You build new structures, scrap old storefronts, and take on lovers the world over. They amble in and around my old stomping grounds in wonderment of what this place holds; romance, loneliness, possibility, loss, awakening, defeat, dreams both realized and crippled.
You are cold then hot but seldom in-between. But the times you are makes each avenue seem like a movie set, each denizen playing his or her part, as they stroll past rust colored petals and stones they call brown.
I blamed as much as I praised. At the time, you alone seemed responsible for my struggles, my victories, my self-doubt, my hubris, my unbridled joy, my broken heart -- my Being.
You shaped me, gradually, but not delicately into the man I longed to be. You forced me to read more, think more, see more, listen more, try more -- BE more.
Because of you I saw events both good and bad you'd have to be here to believe. Some of the most compelling voices, storytellers, and brush strokes hued with the ugliness of human nature.
But you always redeemed yourself showing the very best of it as well. This is why I always thought you and your people were inherently good -- SO good.
Each time I felt like retreating within myself you insisted I cultivate a sense of grit. But you did so without imposing on my fragilities, or vulnerabilities. You knew, as I did, both were signs of strength.
I wonder how many years I spent sauntering through your streets. What was it I hoped to find in all my unchartered strolls? Was I looking for someone? Whoever or whatever it was, the feeling was never thwarted.
I suppose I walked in desperate hope that something would just take me by the hand and guide me home.
And just as I admire your consistency I hope you admire mine. Each time I say goodbye, no matter how long its been, it never ceases to feel impossible. I leave a part of myself each time.
It's the reason I come back again and again even though I no longer hang my hat here. I keep thinking in some small way I'll find those missing pieces and once again, under your care, somehow become whole again.
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