3 Ways I Learned to Get Out of My Own Way

A few years ago, I took my car to a nearby dealer to get serviced. The waiting room had a small table strewn with day old newspapers and stale coffee as CNN blasted from the monitor above. I spent a few hours in a makeshift study catching up on some work until my number was called.

As I waited out front for one of the mechanics to bring the car around, I struck up a conversation with one of the sales agents. I told her I’d grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area. “I’ve always wanted to go there!” she beamed.

I remember looking at her and thinking, It’s a 45-minute plane ride from here. What are you waiting for?

The woman looked to be in her mid-50s and told me she’d spent her entire life in Southern California. Moments later, the car pulled up as I thanked her for servicing the car in such a timely manner.

As I drove off the lot I marveled at how she’d never managed to make her very feasible dream a reality. And something inside me knew she was never going to make that drive, or book that flight. The thought saddened me.

It still does.

As I get older, I’m continually amazed by the number of people still waiting for permission to live their lives. The lifelong narrative of why something can’t or won’t happen is never reframed; the doable becomes insurmountable until the thought fades completely.

In my own pursuit of trying to live boldly I’ve stumbled upon a few ways to keep the fog of complacency from enveloping my spirit. Here are 3 ways I’ve learned to get out of my own way.

Break Things Up

Two years ago, I got sick of hearing my own voice. I finally decided to stop complaining about the lack of worthwhile acting roles coming my way and do something about it. So one afternoon, I plopped myself square in a chair and didn’t stop writing until I’d penned a short film. I didn’t even care how bad it was. In fact, I expected it to be.

Three weeks after I’d written the words, “The End” I was standing on the corner of Colorado and Los Robles Avenue in Pasadena filming that little movie. Two months later, I could claim to have three short films under my belt.

This summer I’ll be shooting my first feature.

To say, I wouldn’t be thanking the Academy anytime soon would be a gross understatement but the point is I carried out a vision I had. Along the way, I learned momentum begets moment, and that one can do remarkable things if they work their way up to it.

Creating those smaller films infused me with a sense of confidence. I saw the value in starting a project and seeing it through. And in time, the intrinsic rewards of actually doing something surpassed the importance of any festivals we would or wouldn’t be gracing with our story.

I learned the value of starting small and gradually building up.

Fall Madly in Love with Failure

As a young actor being told, “No,” or “Maybe next time,” used to put me in a tailspin. But as I got older I learned to reframe those setbacks as opportunities. I knew enough about myself and craftsmanship as a storyteller to realize rejection was not a testament to my talent, or self-worth. As a result, I was able to bounce back quickly and experiment with different routes to my goals.

Too often when we get knocked down we’re out for the count. We’ve allowed someone else’s wildly imperfect perception of us to influence the way we see ourselves. Over time, that belief, however flawed, solidifies until it renders us immobile.

Once I discovered that failure and self-worth were not linked, I no longer feared it. In fact, in some perverse way, I welcomed it. Losing became nothing more than evidence I’d had the courage to play a hand. And knowing I’d thrown my hat in the ring and survived convinced me I could do it again and again.

I also redefined what it meant to win. Victory was not about seeking validation, molding consensus, or outmaneuvering someone. It was about starting a worthwhile endeavor and carrying it out as best I could.

Avoid Toxic People

I once had a friend who could convince you the sky was falling just by the way he answered the phone. A black cloud seemed to always loom over him until I finally realized he’d been pulling it along with a string.

We have very little control over what happens to us in life, but we do have agency over how we frame the world. I’m convinced taking a news detox and cutting toxic relationships has added years to my life.

Having negative people in and around our lives only compounds the fact that life is hard. The truth is you can be optimistic and stay grounded. Unfortunately, toxic people have a knack for focusing on the latter, and then some.

Orchestrate Good Habits

It took me a long time to figure out discipline is fickle. Over time it wanes without warning. You almost need to trick your discipline into thinking its doing the work, while secretly orchestrating good habits behind the scenes.

What on earth am I talking about?

Instead of suppressing bad habits we can starve them. For example, I used to have a pretty fierce sweet tooth. If they served Klondike Bars in taverns I’d undoubtedly have been placed on the “Do Not Serve” list.

Over time, I learned to stop driving myself up a wall by removing sweets completely. It was far easier to avoid temptations than to resist them. I ended up replacing those sugar-filled snacks with healthier ones and eventually stopped craving chocolate.

This strategy proved equally effective when it came to email and skipped workouts. I simply swapped my touchscreen for a $5 alarm clock and kept my sneakers by my bed.

I made good habits incredibly hard to fumble, while making bad ones harder to carry out.

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