What is Charisma?

We often associate charisma as a quality only certain people have -- The type of person who "lights up a room when she walks in."

But like a of words in our modern day vernacular, charisma is grossly misunderstood. It's less of an attribute than it is a way of living. 

People with charisma make a concerted effort to put other people first. They make it all about the person they're speaking with and make a genuine effort to get to know the person.

As a result your attention is fully placed on who they are and where they're at in life. The only reason charisma feels like such an elusive quality is because those actions are so rarely taken. 

Charisma isn't a quality. It's a type of focus.

Master that and you'll have all the charisma you need. 

Implement the Cycle of Accountability

In Gary Keller's book, The One Thing he discusses the difference between people who take accountability in their lives versus those who allow life to simply happen to them.

Accountable Mentality:

1. Seeks Reality
Thinks: What's happening?

2. Acknowledges Reality
Thinks: This is the way it is.

3. Owns it
Thinks: If it's to be, it's up to me!

4. Finds Solutions
Thinks: What can I do?

5. Gets on with it.
Thinks: O.K., let's do it!

VERSUS

Life Just Happens Mentality:

1. Avoids Reality
Thinks: Ask no questions.

2. Fights Reality
Thinks: That's not how I see it.

3. Blames
Thinks: If everyone would just do their job!

4. Personal Excuses
Thinks: It's not my job!

5. Waits & Hopes
Thinks: If it was meant to be, it'll happen.

* Don't let life just happen. Live the cycle of accountability. 

Traveling Won't Solve Your Problems but Can Offer Much Needed Perspective

This morning I woke up at 12:49 am. I was abruptly awoken from a not so deep slumber by the guests upstairs returning from what I gathered was a night on the town. Those days for me seem less fleeting that I suppose they should considering how long ago it was.

The floor above must have been carpeted or otherwise insulated because once the door's latch insured they were home for the night I didn't hear another peep out of them. It was almost as if they stepped into a portal to an alternate universe.

Unfortunately for me the damage had been done. For the next 3 hours I tossed and turned trying desperately to find the right position, temperature, and clarity that would allow my consciousness to surrender to my impossibly heavy eye lids. Only it wasn't my body those kids awoke but a seemingly ceaseless marathon of ruminating thoughts.

I remember years ago when I worked briefly as a caterer in Syracuse, New York while going to school. I'd taken the job to earn back the $700 a friend loaned me to get my first professional headshots taken. I was 20 and didn't particularly want my folks, who were shelling out thousands upon thousands of dollars for a private school education, to know I longed to one day grace the stages of the Barrymore and Schubert theaters on Broadway. All this to say my little photo shoot stayed between my friend and I.

As I sat eating during our break I struck up a conversation with a gentlemen who was likely in his 50s. He'd been away from his Central New York roots for many years and had recently returned. The catering job was a way for him to gradually get his footing before figuring out what to do next; a sentiment I'd grow all too well to appreciate in the years to come.

"I been all over the world," I remember him saying. "What have you learned?" I asked. He paused before picking his words carefully. "Your problems follow you wherever you go,"he told me. I can't recall a word we said afterwards, if any, and would be hard pressed to describe him to a sketch artist, but for whatever reason I never forgot those words. I suppose it's because in the 44 countries I've visited his theory remains infallible.

Just as travel is not the answer to enlightenment it is also not the antidote to one's woes, however small or complicated. Travel can offer a megaphone to the voices within that we so skillfully silence in our day-to-day lives when feeling isn't convenient.

Because you have time to really think when you're abroad, you can begin to take inventory of where you've fallen short in upholding your core values, family responsibilities, and anything or everything in between. It is difficult work but important work. It's also so so worth it. For on the other side comes perspective, and if we make room for it, growth.

Thankfully, I still managed to catch my train to Porto. After I found out the hard way Rossio Station wasn't in the habit of having trains run to the city up north as a website indicated, I promptly hopped into a second cab, the first one's receipt still in my hand. I set out for Santa Apolonia Station later realizing either terminal could have been reached by foot from the flat I was staying at. 

But now I'm here and that's worth celebrating. Someday I won't be here, or anywhere for that matter. I intend to enjoy my time here no matter what burdens fill my mind. Travel, like life, is all so fleeting.

We have to enjoy it while we can. 

My Wage

Here's a wonderful and inspirational poem included in the book, The One Thing. The poem's theme is that life is a question and the quality of how we live it out depends on our answer.

MY WAGE

By J. B. Rittenhouse

I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening 
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

Success = Asking a Great Question and Coming Up with a Great Answer

In Gary Keller's book, The One Thing, he talks about the importance of asking great questions in order to achieve our goals. When we ask questions of a higher caliber we're forced to face the challenge of finding an equally impactful answer.

Keller says there are 3 categories of answers: doable, stretch, and possibility. 

Doable answers are the ones we know we can do and are often already within reach.

Stretch answers are still within reach but ones that may require research, study, and extending ourselves beyond our current abilities.

And possibility answers are the type that require us to dream big and live on the outer limits of what we believe we can do.

The latter are the types of answers high achiever pursue because they understand extending one's self is the first step to enriching our lives for the better.

Whatever it is, You'll Get Through it

Wherever you're at, whatever you're going through, trust that you will get through it. We have a higher capacity for pain that we realize. And when we come out on the other end we not only have an opportunity to gain perspective but also growth. Becoming better at anything, namely life, is unsettling. That's why so few pursue it.

I've discovered it's less important to dissect the root of the pain but what can come of it. Rather than seeking answers we can sit with the questions, especially if they're good ones. As Sir Francis Bacon once noted, "A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.

Write, walk, sit, do what you need to but never relinquish hope. Cling to it fiercely and trust that though its embers may at times appear to be subdued it never ceases to shimmer.

Take Pride in Being Deeply Flawed

An acting teacher once told me, "The pursuit of perfection is the pursuit of vanity." As a young storyteller and young person I wanted everything I worked on to be perfect. 

As I get older I realize what really draws people in is your ability to talk openly and honestly about your flaw and failures. It offers people a tremendous sense of solace, but more importantly it builds trust. 

When you seek courage through vulnerability you shine a light on your humanity and people see that if despite all your setbacks you were still able to achieve great things they can too.

That to me is far more inspiring that simply touting how great we are.