A few years after drama school I began to feel a sense of emptiness. I questioned my work as an actor, even its meaning - two events that had never occurred. Telling stories was all I cared to do since I was a little boy. What did it all mean? I wondered. Who was this all for? Why should the world care?
Like many young actors, I was idealistic and thought I could change the world with a monologue, or a compelling scene. It was why I wanted to be an actor in the first place; to make some small dent in society by influencing or changing the way one thought.
As I seemed to drift further and further away from this disposition, I found myself willing myself to fall back in love with acting. It sounds strange, but I even resented myself for not wanting to do it. After all, I'd worked so hard to get through a conservatory and made sacrifices to give this dream a real go.
In time, I discovered this hollowness was a result of focusing too much on myself. It was all about me. I was tired of hearing my own voice.
Then I decided to volunteer in my community. First, as a mentor at a high school in Queens. Soon after, I was giving resume workshops at Coalition for the Homeless, making beds at a shelter, and delivering speeches on public speaking. A few years later I was doing similar work in South Africa, Nepal, and Haiti.
When I returned I felt rejuvenated. Service to others had also given me perspective on the bigger picture. I no longer lived and died on each audition. And the funny thing is, I actually became a better actor. Go figure.
No comments:
Post a Comment