Last-Minute Drives to Other States

Days bleed together when you’re on the road. Dates, hours, and alarm clocks become mere suggestions.

Your time is filled with long drives and aimless strolls that conjure up a thought or two about a thing or two. And sometimes they amble into the land of spreadsheets and appointments; a world devoid of color and giant Montana skies.

I spend much of my time away from home, wherever or whatever that means. And as a result I’ve learned to dance between the land of departure and arrival with the right shoes.

Yesterday, I laced up and made my way to a place I never thought I’d set foot in — Yellowstone National Park.

Surprises are good, I thought.

At about 3:00 pm, Tonya and I found ourselves circling a town called Livingston. Believe me when I tell you this didn’t take long. Old saloons and trendy gift shops lined avenues filled with snow but no people.

“I bet it’s nice here in the summer,” was all I could think to say.

Earlier in the week, my friend and I had agreed one of the joys of getting older was no longer feeling the need to prove anything; a sentiment once as foreign to me as Montana itself.

Now, we were faced with another first world problem; deciding whether or not to make the late afternoon drive to another state just to say we had.

It turns out, old habits die hard.

“Well,” I said. “I feel invested in seeing you reach Wyoming.” I told her.

It turned out, Tonya had just 4 states to go before she could claim to have seen the union in its entirety.

“Okay,” she finally said.

And just like that we were on our way.

The drive, like every so far, was filled with dramatic backdrops that seemed to beckon silence or at least conversation beyond small talk. Thankfully, we’d never seen the use of such things and spoke mostly about love, specifically the kind you lose.

Before long, we found ourselves at Yellowstone. “Wyoming!” I heard Tonya say.

“Yup,” I said.

We’d made it.

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My First Screenplays Were So Bad...

Some of my early screenplays were so bad my friends didn’t even know where to start with their feedback. My first try at getting a literary agent was met by well over 100 rejections. And my first few films were passed on by so many festivals I lost count.

But by not taking those failures personally and instead interpreting those setbacks as deferred successes, I continued to write blogs, articles, screenplays, one-man shows, and even a book. And as I developed my voice my confidence grew – convincing me I had something valuable to offer.

The best part was how taking initiative emboldened those around me to do the same. Friends saw that if I could do it they could too. Soon I was being asked to read their plays, edit their articles, and collaborate on their new films.

In the process we built a community where we felt invested in one another’s success. We had each other’s backs, supported one another’s vision, and held ourselves accountable to making something happen.

The Worst they Can Say is, "No." So who cares?

Learning to endure failure is critical. When you build that muscle you are honing an even more important one: resiliency. The capacity to bounce back from setback after setback after setback is integral part of any meaningful endeavor. But far more importantly, when you reframe failure as deferred success you begin to take setbacks in stride and use them as building blocks to greater character.

My first screenplays were so bad my friends didn't even know where to begin with their feedback. My first attempt at getting a literary agent was met by well over 100 rejections. And my short films were passed on by so many festivals I lost count. But I didn't stop. I kept writing blogs, articles, screenplays, one-man shows, and even a book. And in time as I developed my voice my confidence grew convincing me I had something of value to offer. 

If there's anything I learned as an actor and a casting reader it's that the worst anyone can say is, "No." But once you hear a few, "No's" you learn to take it all in stride. It's a masterful craft if you think about it: 

Developing the mental mindset and stamina to not take the most personal form of rejection personally. 

If you can hone that skill there's nothing you won't try.

Done is Better than Perfect

Some of my early screenplays were so bad my friends didn’t even know where to start with their feedback. My first try at getting a literary agent was met by well over 100 rejections. And my first few films were passed on by so many festivals I lost count.

But by not taking those failures personally and choosing instead to interpret those setbacks as deferred successes, I continued to write blogs, articles, screenplays, one-man shows, and even a book. And as I developed my voice my confidence grew – convincing me I had something valuable to offer. 

Your time is limited. Don't waste another second deliberating over how to get started. Just begin. The longer you wait the more you cultivate the seeds of excuses to grow and eventually flourish.

Protect Your Right to Say, "No"

As actors we're conditioned to be grateful for any role that comes our way. Because booking work for most actors is so sporadic, when an opportunity presents itself we often take it without questioning how the part actually sits with us. I know as a young actor I wrestled with this as well.

But as I got a little older I began to appreciate that as actors, though our options may feel limited, we have power over the following:

-- our work ethic
-- our ability to create our own opportunities (e.g. writing your own films, plays, blogs, etc) 
-- how we react to setbacks 

AND

-- whether or not to accept a role 

The last one doesn't seem so obvious to most, but one thing to consider is the roles you take will be there for posterity. If it's caught on film, you want to be able to look back and hold your head high. And I don't mean every role must be a leading role where you save the day, or triumph over a villain. I'm referring to taking on roles that are in harmony with your personal principles and core values. 

When I signed with an agency in Los Angeles they sent me a questionnaire asking if there was anything I wouldn't do for a role, for which I was enormously grateful. Here's what I wrote:

"I won’t compromise my personal ethics, morals, or core principles. I also will not perpetuate what I perceive to be ethnic stereotypes, or undermine my ethnic heritage.  (i.e. the butt of a one-liner Asian joke in a sitcom, etc.) Also happy to elaborate if there are any questions."

If a role doesn't sit right with you for whatever reason you don't need to take it and you owe nobody an explanation.