The Benefits of a Healthy Relationship with Mortality

There’s a lot of joking about death in my house. It's not as ominous as it sounds. 

It's the opposite. 

An awareness of an ever-decreasing time horizon doesn’t instill fear but rather liberates.

Knowing you don’t have all the time in the world has a wonderful way of clarifying goals, forcing one to zero in on what truly matters, and spending time on the relationships you want to deepen.

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Happy to See You

There's an elderly man that frequents the coffee shop I go to. All the baristas know him by name and seem to beam when he enters. Invariably, they talk about the weather, or reference a conversation they had the last time he came in. 

He always sits near the window. He orders a small coffee and reads the paper until a man, not much younger than him, taps on the window to take him home.

One afternoon as he tried to make his way past me he bumped into my chair. 

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No problem," I told him.

We struck up a conversation before his friend piped up, "You're looking at a WWII vet." 

"Wow," I said.

Sometimes its a few weeks, months, a year at most before I amble back into this little coffee house. I'd come back more often but it's 3,000 miles from where I now hang my hat. I think about the man each time I walk in wondering if he's still around.

And each time I plop myself near the window he wanders in at some point. I try to keep to myself and not disturb him as he turns the pages of the New York Times with his frail hands, but I'm always secretly glad to see him.

Maybe one day I'll muster up the courage to say as much.

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Plus, I’d love to share my free Creativity Day Planner — a simple two -page template on building good daily habits.

What are you waiting for?

Last week a friend was visiting me from Los Angeles. We went to school together many years ago but our friendship really deepened the years following graduation.

She's 41 now and told me, "I know 50 is right around the corner. I can feel it."

Only she wasn't telling me in some ominous way. She was simply sharing that time speeds up as we get older. It feels more palpable -- the sense of urgency heightens.

That's a good thing, I thought. But it also comes with responsibility.

If we want the time we have on the planet to mean something we have to start jettisoning those pesky "time bandits." The little things that compound over time. Whether it's investing 3 hours to watch a sporting event, or aimlessly surfing the web. It may not feel like a big deal but over time it REALLY adds up.

If I live to be 85 that means I've got about 17,141 more tomorrows. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll catch 10 more sunsets. (how often do we actually take the time to do take one in?!) There might be 15 more chances to visit my favorite vacation spot.

What about the people around you? How many more birthdays will you share with your father? 10? 15? 20?

The point isn't to frighten you but to LIBERATE you by developing a healthy understanding of your own mortality. It prompts us to do what matters NOW rather than later because we appreciate that later may not come.

There's No Time to Waste

“Somebody should tell us right at the start of our lives that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!”

--Pope Paul VI

The older I get the more I try to not lose myself in what others are doing or worry about not being where I thought I thought I'd be by now.  The operative word here being, "try."

If I've learned anything it's that you can be disciplined, hold yourself to a high standard, and still be happy. It's a two-step that requires a great deal of trial and error but I've come to believe life should be about seeking that unique marriage. 

If we can sprinkle in a healthy relationship with our own mortality on top and use it that awareness to propel us to seek that unification sooner rather than later we're well on our way.

We all have a death sentence after all. 

It’s called, BIRTH.

Let Your Mortality Be Your Ally

I recently heard someone discussing a documentary they'd seen about the history of our planet. To illustrate mankind's relationship to the overall existence of the earth the filmmaker framed time as walking from San Diego to New York City, or 14.6 million steps. Our history would span a mere 3 steps out the Empire State Building. (And remember, that's just the planet earth. It's not even taking into account the infinite number of galaxies) In any event, it's a very humbling explanation.

As far as I can tell, there are two ways to interpret this information. We can either be discouraged, or liberated. We can feel insignificant, that what we do is trivial, and that we're a mere speck of dust just passing by. 

OR, we can learn to not take ourselves so seriously and allow the fact we won't be here very long to propel us to do the things we find important. The latter seems like a much more appealing option.

Actor and producer Keanu Reeves once said, "You're doing to die. Make stuff." Having a close, but healthy relationship with your own mortality can drive you to see, learn, listen, and say the things you feel are of value. Mortality can teach us the importance of being bold, but not reckless and learning to go to the fear.

When you truly appreciate your time's finite nature you begin to protect it in a way you never have before. An awakening to your potential arises, you suddenly feel less fatigued, and you find creative ways to "make each day a masterpiece."

Be Great Now

Yesterday, my brother and I returned from Denver where we spent the Thanksgiving holiday with our “baby brother,” Danny. 

It sounds familiar, but the time really did fly by. There were moments where I really appreciated the fleeting nature of this life, but the actual minutes as I listened to my brothers laugh and trade barbs. 'It doesn’t seem fair in a way that it all must end some day,' I thought.

Yet, if it weren’t for life’s all-too-brief makeup we might never dream, strive, or, dare. We are in some perverse way motivated by our own mortality. 

And if we aren't we sure ought to be.

Nobody Lives Forever

I can think of no greater motivator to go out and do the things you dream of doing than being in touch with your mortality. Nobody lives forever. 

It may be a painfully obvious fact, but I'd argue one most people don't consider enough, or aren't in touch with.

To really understand life's fickle and short nature (and not in some ominous way) can positively add a bounce to your step and inspire you to begin now rather than later.

It Matters and It Doesn't

"Just think, a million people didn't wake up today, but you did. Doesn't that make today a remarkable day?" the guru asked. It was a question that forced a point of view I hadn't considered in a while. I paused briefly, giving thought to my own mortality, but not in some dark or sullen way.

On the contrary, I considered the fact that we'll all die someday as profoundly liberating. What I mean is, it freed me up to realize what I want to accomplish in life is both incredibly important and at the same time, not at all.

Looking back, I would have benefited greatly if I'd given greater thought to life's fickle and swift nature. How many times had I gotten worked up over a scene not going precisely as rehearsed? A bombed audition? A film not being accepted to a festival? It all mattered so much and at the same it didn't.

My point is not to stop dreaming big, or working diligently towards your goals. Goals that resonate with us are what give life tremendous meaning and value. My suggestion is to merely add perspective and emotional intelligence to your ambition.

We can't take our accomplishments, or IMDB pages with us when we go. We can however, leave a legacy of how we lived, and by doing so, hopefully inspire future generations.