You Can Want Something Without Needing It

Years ago during pilot season I auditioned for a role for what seemed like a promising little series. The storyline didn't exactly grab me but I thought it'd be fun and so I prepared carefully like I always do. I hopped on a train headed for the Court Street-Borough Hall station before making my way up to the 3rd floor for the audition.

The room was sparse and the casting director looked exhausted. I could tell he'd been trying to cast the show for quite some time. He made a quip or two about the script before filming the scene. "Nice job," he said afterwards. I left and forgot about the whole thing.

A few days later I received a callback. Really? I thought. Though I'd put my best foot forward I'd convinced myself I was totally wrong for the part, which actually liberated me. I was free to make bold choices, there was an ease to my performance, and because I was sure the part would go to someone else I was incredibly relaxed. I should mention I also had fun.

I returned a few days later but this time the stakes felt raised. I felt closer. Still, I tried to remember the approach that got me here in the first place. It wasn't ambivalence, but the ability to want something without needing it. Once again I was loose, free, and able to have fun with the part. A few weeks later I booked the role.

Not surprisingly, I've booked several other roles when I was able to audition like I didn't need it. I absolutely wanted the parts, but I knew my life would go on if I didn't get cast. 

As both an actor and a casting reader I learned those are very attractive qualities to have as an artist, and they're only cultivated through living a rich life "off-stage." 

When you have other interests, relationships, and goals to look forward to you have a unique sense of perspective that will undoubtedly serve your artistry.